


So We Meet Again

by americanphancakes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arguing, Friends to Enemies to Friends Again to Lovers if we're being honest, Friends to Lovers, Identity Reveal, Insecure Dan Howell, M/M, MMORPGs, Mistaken Identity, Sad Phil Lester, but it all turns out okay, there's actual character development here kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 04:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14301129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanphancakes/pseuds/americanphancakes
Summary: One night Dan forgets that he was supposed to hang out with Phil, playing his favorite MMO instead. Dan beats himself up for being the worst best friend ever. Meanwhile, Phil wants to understand what keeps Dan coming back to the game, so he creates an account to investigate firsthand.Inspired by stuff like “Recovery of an MMO Addict,” “You’ve Got Mail,” and a shocking amount of personal experience.Written for the Spring/New Beginnings Phanfic Fest.





	1. IRL Aggro

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my daughter JoodlesNoodles for being my beta and REALLY REALLY helping with the pacing and emotional impact of stuff. It helped so much. She is the greatest.
> 
> [Here's the tumblr post for this fic.](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/172903229263/deliriumzer0-title-so-we-meet-again)

“Phil! Why are the cupboards all open again?!” Dan stood, hands on his hips, surveying the post-tornado-esque scene.

“I was looking for-- um. Snacks?” Phil approached from the next room, guessing that “snacks” was the correct answer, but meeting a dissatisfied look on Dan’s face.

“You were looking for cereal.”

“Maybe.”

“Cereal which I notice is all gone now.”

“It was all gone already,” Phil replied. He was already in trouble, so he figured admitting his cereal thievery wouldn’t make it any worse.

Dan paused, and as he remembered that he had indeed polished off the last box of Shreddies the previous afternoon, he sighed and rolled his eyes at himself for having forgotten.

“Fuck,” he grumbled. Resigned to his fate, he asked Phil, “Go to Asda with me?”

“I’ve got editing to do,” Phil said guiltily. “I’m way behind.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Mine, and I’m taking responsibility by doing the editing! You can go down the shops on your own.”

Sure, he _ could. _ But did he want to? No. Dan shut his eyes and inhaled to psych himself up. “Fine.” He turned around and grabbed his wallet off the table, put his jacket on, got to the front door, and stopped when he heard Phil call out to him. 

“You should get your key just in case I don’t hear you knock when you come back.” 

Dan turned back around, got his key, returned to the door, and heard Phil’s voice again. 

“Your phone is still in the kitchen, did you want to bring it with?” 

Dan sighed with a grumble, retrieved his phone, and finally was able to leave.

Just as the bus was pulling up to take him to the nearest Asda, Dan had a momentary thought that he was fortunate to have Phil around. Dan’s lack of any ability to function as an adult without help could be a bit much at times.

 

***

 

One evening later that week, Phil was humming an improvised jaunty tune to himself, opening three hot pizza boxes in a buffet-like spread on the coffee table. He leaned over the one in the middle and inhaled, smiling as he took in that beautiful pizza scent. Steam fogged up his glasses - not that he noticed, since he was closing his eyes to maximize the effectiveness of his sense of smell. He wanted to swim in the excitement he felt.

Lately, these anime nights with Dan had to be scheduled in advance. The two of them were indoorsy people who shared this flat, so they should conceivably be free to hang out whenever. But these days it seemed as though Dan did nothing but play that silly MMO of his. His guild had progressed to endgame content, and as a result Phil often lost him to raid nights. He knew Dan would eventually burn out and his gaming schedule would calm down, but who knew how long that would take? So for now, Phil looked forward to these hangouts. He could finally be his best friend’s best friend again. 

But Dan was running late tonight. Must have been finishing up editing their last gaming video. He’d be out soon. Phil would just look at Reddit in the meantime.

But after awhile, the pizza was starting to cool off.

“Dan?” Phil called. No answer. Phil stayed quiet for a moment until his ears piqued at the sound of Dan laughing. Phil cocked his head, confused and curious, and headed over to the gaming room where the editing PC was.

The editing PC on which Dan was attacking a giant demon.

“Burn him down, guys… No no no no DPS get off the adds, we got him we got him we got him… YES. Sweet Christ, that took AGES. Oh shit, nice belt, Darm! Neena, do you need those boots? I think they’re an upgrade for me... Oh wait, no, nevermind. No, they’re all yours.”

Phil stood in the doorway, stunned, his arms defensively folded. He did his best to put on a brave face and disguise the fact that this sight had made his lungs feel as though his ribcage was squeezing around them hard. At best, Dan had forgotten about him; at worst, Dan was actively betraying him. He did his best to suck in a steady breath.

“Dan?”

“Oh, hey Phil.” Dan’s tone, casual and oblivious, carried Phil’s feelings from confusion to outright anger.

“You’re raiding? Again?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. We didn’t finish this raid yesterday so we carried over into today.”

“Why didn’t you let me know?”

“I… Hang on guys, IRL aggro.” Dan took off his headset and put it on the desk and turned to face Phil. “I didn’t think it mattered really. We didn’t have any plans.”

Phil merely scowled in response, arms tightening across his torso.

“...Did we?” Dan said cautiously.

“Well the three cold pizzas in the lounge say we _did,_ ” Phil said, his arms dropping in resignation. “Past tense,” he added, sadly and quietly, his eyes cast downward. His angry, confrontational approach had cracked and fallen away, and the disappointment at the core of Phil’s emotional state was showing through.

Dan gulped. He turned back to his computer and leaned over the mic coming off his headset, which was still laying haphazardly on the desk. “Guys, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you all later.” He quickly alt-f4’d the game without properly logging out.

“It’s okay Dan, you don’t have to...”

“Of course I do, Phil. It’s our night.” He stood up from his chair and took a step toward Phil in the doorway. “Come on, we’ll reheat the pizzas in the oven and--”

“You called me ‘IRL aggro,’ Dan,” Phil sighed, bringing his arms back up across his chest where they could guard him. He stood in the way of the door, stopping Dan from reaching the exit, but finding it difficult to look his friend in the eye. “You don’t  _ really _ want to hang out. I know you don’t.”

Dan’s face went pale. “Look, that’s just something we say,” he stammered. “It’s not like--”

“It’s something you say about nagging wives and attention-seeking children, Dan. Or… dogs that’ve wet the carpet. Is that what I am to you?”

“No, of course not! It really does just mean someone outside the game requires our attention, it’s not intended to be mean. I promise.”

“Dan, I just… I used to be your default hangout plans. And now I suddenly have to not just go out of my way to schedule spending time with you, but I have to remind you too? I don’t... I don’t get it. What happened? Why are we suddenly hanging out by appointment? And why are you  _ missing _ those appointments? You just play that stupid game all the time!”

“It’s not like this is  _ just _ a stupid game, okay?” Dan said, his face flushed with anger or embarrassment, or perhaps the combination of both. “I have a really hard time going out and making friends, so this is my social life, and… finishing this raid is something we’ve been working towards for a long time. We’re not exactly a high-rank guild, you know? So I feel obligated to help. But I also feel at home when I go play. Do you know what I mean? They’re my friends. They’re like family, even. I can’t let them down.”

Phil couldn’t hide the cracks in his voice after hearing this. “Isn’t that… I mean… how’s that different from me and you?”

Dan knew he’d messed up even before he saw the hint of tears glistening in Phil’s eyes. He opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn’t think of anything that would be sufficient. Or even entirely tactful, no matter how well-intentioned.

“So that’s where we are then, is it?” Phil said. “Just flatmates? Not best friends? I’m just another chore to take care of. Our anime night was just another meeting you were late for.”

“Phil…” Dan started, but he still didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t defend himself, not really. Phil had caught Dan in the act of taking him for granted, and they both knew it.

“I’ll wrap up the leftover pizza -- which, by the way, there’s plenty of,” Phil said, turning around to leave the room. “Then I’m going to bed. Go finish your raid.”

Dan winced at the sound of the gaming room door slamming shut, and he was left standing alone, his arms swinging limply at his sides. He found himself waiting and hoping for Phil to come back in so he could apologize. It didn’t happen.

He sighed, plopped down into the desk chair, and ran his fingers impatiently through his hair. He growled angrily at himself, folded his arms on the desk, and put his head down like a child in school who’d just gotten in trouble. He knew if he rejoined the raid he’d be too distracted by these feelings of guilt to be productive, but he didn’t want to intrude on Phil in case he needed alone time to cool off (or, possibly, didn’t want to so much as look at Dan right now).

The game world felt much more welcoming to him than the real world, but he needed to do something that wasn’t as cognitively demanding as a raid. So he figured he’d roll an alt. He’d start on a class he hadn’t played before. A priest. A healing class felt appropriate -- if he couldn’t fix Phil’s hurt in real life, maybe he could heal himself or some teammates in-game.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @fluffyamericanphancakes (DnP side blog) or @deliriumzer0 (main) on tumblr, come say hi :)
> 
> This fic is COMPLETELY written, I'm just doing a last pass of edits before uploading each chapter so all 11 chapters will be uploaded over the next, like... day or two. Comments welcome! :)


	2. Free to Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil decides to investigate what it is about the game that attracts Dan. He meets a helpful low-level player who clearly knows the game well, and lets himself be taken under this other player's wing.

_...I also feel at home when I go play. _

_ They’re like family, even. _

It was driving Phil mad that Dan felt  _ at home _ in that stupid game. Phil’s first thought was how ridiculous it was to feel at home in a fantasy world with giant spiders and tentacled existential threats and other horrifying things. ...That was a lie, he had to admit to himself. That wasn’t really his first thought at all.

His first thought was  _ why doesn’t Dan feel at home with me? _

Phil was heartbroken, and not just for himself. Even though he’d always tried to be there for Dan, both emotionally and practically, Dan still felt like he didn’t belong. Phil wondered what was he doing wrong, and what he could do better. What  _ would _ make Dan feel at home?

Phil bit the inside of his cheek and glanced down at his closed laptop.  _ Maybe I can see for myself, _ he thought, and swiftly placed the computer on his lap and opened it up.

After a few minutes of research, Phil learned that it was free to start playing the base game. What harm could trying it out do? Just to see what the big deal was. Phil thought that perhaps if he experienced the game community, he’d understand what exactly Dan needed to feel “at home.”

 

***

 

Once Phil’s account was created, he had to choose a character race, class, and name. There were five possible races - human, elf, dwarf, dragonkin, and fae. He rather liked the look of the elves and enjoyed the thought of playing out a  _ Lord of the Rings _ fantasy, so he chose that easily. But what character class? Should he be a healer? A tank? Support? Damage? If he did damage, should he be ranged or melee? This was considerably more difficult. Phil had the passing thought that Dan’s help would make it much easier to evaluate his options, but he shook that thought away before it could gain much of a foothold.

The Ranger class used a bow and arrow though, and that would make him feel a bit like Legolas. So, knowing little else about the class, he went with that.

Phil named his character Purseffanie, fancying himself quite clever indeed. As a level 1, she started in a small elven town called Elunari. When the town loaded up, Phil’s eyes widened to take in as much of this sight as they could. The buildings here were made of gently curved wood, covered in what looked like gold filigree details and lush green climbing plants. Lit by only the moon, stars, and the soft glow of some sort of mushroom being used as lamplight, the bluish hue of the town made it look like the world was wearing an evening gown. By contrast, poor Purseffanie was wearing clothing akin to a potato sack and carrying a flimsy curved stick on her back. 

Phil went to the game’s subreddit to read a beginner’s guide, and he started out reasonably okay, completing a few simple kill-and-fetch quests. But a few quests in, he hit a roadblock. Purseffanie was sent to kill a hostile species of hamster that was eating the elves’ shadowcarrot crops growing in a nearby cave, and despite the apparent simplicity of this quest, Purseffanie kept dying. They were just hamsters! He’d always loved hamsters. What did these ones have against him?

After his third (or, okay, maybe sixth) death, Phil just let Purseffanie’s body lay on the cave floor while he consulted some more online guides.

 

[Loroth] you’re sure dying a lot aren’t you lol

 

A whispered message appeared in Phil's chatbox. He furrowed his brow.

 

[Purseffanie] Thank you for making me self-conscious.

[Purseffanie] But yes. They’re just hamsters, why are they so hard?

[Loroth] well THAT hamster is an elite

[Loroth] you can tell from the decoration around the nameplate 

[Loroth] and also cause it has a name.

 

Phil noticed the golden dragon adorning the hamster’s portrait whenever he targeted it.

 

[Purseffanie] ...oh. That would make sense.

[Loroth] clever name for your toon btw

[Purseffanie] Thanks! I liked the idea of naming her after a mythological character but spelling it in an unusual way.

[Loroth] yes, i can see that that’s what you did ;)

[Purseffanie] Where’d you get your character’s name from?

[Loroth] just made it up

[Loroth] i wanted something pretty but also vaguely lovecraftian

[Purseffanie] You’re missing a few apostrophes then lol

[Loroth] lol

[Loroth] you gonna res anytime soon?

[Loroth] I could res you but i don’t wanna waste mana

[Loroth] no offense

[Loroth] when you get back to your body we can party up and i’ll help you out

[Purseffanie] Oh! Yes, thank you. :)

 

Phil hit the button to resurrect his character at the graveyard, then walked his spirit back to the cave of giant carrot-eating hamsters to find Loroth waiting. She was a female elf as well, but a priest instead of a ranger.

 

[Purseffanie] I see you’re a healer?

[Loroth] yeah

[Loroth] i’m already done with this quest so i can just hang back and heal you

[Loroth] come with me if you want to live

 

A dialog box appeared on Phil’s screen.

> “You have been invited to a party by Loroth. Join?”

Phil hovered over the button with an excited smile.  _ I’m joining my first party! _ he thought.  _ This is it. This is the beginning of figuring out why Dan loves this game so much. _

He clicked “Yes, Join” and Loroth’s name appeared on the side of the screen, the beginning of a list that would only ever have one person on it.

Loroth walked Purseffanie away from the elite and over to a huge underground carrot patch in the northwest corner of the cave. It was indeed utterly infested with the enormous hamster pests. Phil had apparently taken Purseffanie in the entirely wrong direction before.

 

[Loroth] have at it lol

[Loroth] i got your back

 

Purseffanie picked off hamsters left and right until she’d killed all 15 needed to turn in the quest. Loroth kept her health topped off the entire time.

 

[Purseffanie] That was easy!

[Loroth] well yeah cause i helped

[Loroth] but no really, good job :)

[Purseffanie] Do you mind if I keep playing with you? I need someone to show me the ropes and clearly you know this game better than I do

[Loroth] yeah i’m gonna guess you’re an actual newbie and not an alt

[Purseffanie] “alt”?

[Loroth] alternate character

[Loroth] as opposed to your main character

[Loroth] this isn’t my main, my main is a bard so i’m used to playing support

[Loroth] decided to roll a priest because i wanted to try a new class

[Purseffanie] …”roll”?

[Loroth] clearly you have much to learn young padawan.

  
  


***

  
  


After a couple of hours, Purseffanie was around level 10 and already had a decent set of skills. Phil had needed Loroth’s help to learn how to use these skills properly, though. Leveling was simply too fast, and the game progressed too quickly for Phil - or any player, really - to properly get a feel for their character’s skills. Loroth confirmed that yes, the leveling system was a bit broken at the moment, and players complained about it all the time.

 

[Loroth] honestly i’m shocked you’re sticking around

[Loroth] most noobs i’ve met have got frustrated and left

[Purseffanie] I’m not really playing for myself, to be honest. My best friend is a fan of the game and I wanna figure it out.

[Loroth] planning on playing together?

[Purseffanie] Maybe at some point.

[Loroth] wish my flatmate would extend me the same courtesy

[Loroth] they don’t really get it lol

[Purseffanie] I mean these games aren’t for everybody I guess. 

[Purseffanie] Do you & your flatmate get along?

[Loroth] like siblings really

[Purseffanie] So you fight all the time then? lol jk

[Loroth] i mean you’re not wrong lol

[Loroth] but i love them so w/e

[Loroth] they’re the best person i know, honestly.

[Purseffanie] Aww, that’s really sweet.

 

Phil looked at his closed bedroom door, his shoulders drooping, and he thought of Dan. This player reminded him of when Dan was at his warmest and kindest, all-lowercase typing and all. He knew Dan was raiding right now though, so this was definitely not actually him. Besides, what would be the chances?  _ Would be funny if it was, though _ , Phil thought.

 

[Loroth] so hey

[Loroth] my main has a guild, did you wanna join it? 

[Loroth] i need to message the gm to invite Loroth anyway, may as well include you on it

[Purseffanie] What are the benefits of being in a guild exactly? Besides friends obviously

[Loroth] easier to group up and coordinate for quests and raids

[Loroth] guild bank so you can trade stuff when not everyone is online

[Loroth] just general qol improvements really

 

Phil was a bit nervous about agreeing, but he knew this would be a great way to see the social aspect of the game. Besides, there was no way it could be  _ that _ bad -- Dan was in no way a social person, but clearly this game’s community worked for him.

_ What the heck, why not? _

 

[Purseffanie] Sure I guess? Maybe other guild members can help me level and learn the ropes when you’re offline.

[Loroth] fuck yeah

 

GUILD: [Loroth] has joined the guild

GUILD: [Purseffanie] has joined the guild

[Darmok] Welcome aboard!

[Loroth] hey this is Lyrepants’ alt

[Loroth] and this is my friend, the goddess of the underworld

[Purseffanie] um… hi? I’m a total newbie, please go easy on me orz

[Cinnamonster] sup lyre

[Darmok] Don’t worry, we’re pretty chill around here

[Cinnamonster] sup lyre’s friend

[Mythrandear] Newbies? Do we have newbies? I love newbies!

[Loroth] you love to eat newbies

[Loroth] don’t pay attention to her, Pur.

 

Phil was tickled by the nickname. Made him seem like a cat.

Actually he was kind of tickled by the guild’s apparent warmth in general. He was starting to understand.

 

[Loroth] myth’s crazy.

[Mythrandear] Not crazy just perpetually drunk! :D

[Darmok] Lyre, did you send Purseffanie the discord info yet?

[Loroth] Oh yeah. I’ll DM it to you, Pur - do you have discord?

 

_ Oh yeah, voice chat. _ Well crap, Phil hadn’t thought of that. Dan was no doubt hogging the headset right now, so that certainly wasn’t gonna happen anytime soon. And heaven only knew where the earbuds for Phil’s phone had disappeared to after one too many trips through the laundry. Phil would have to go buy himself a headset later.

 

[Purseffanie] I do but I don’t have a headset.

[Loroth] it’s ok, you can text chat until you get one.

[Loroth] you don’t need to worry about audio until you’re doing raids & dungeons anyway so no rush

[Loroth] but we mostly chat in discord rather than here so if you wanna get to know everyone get your cute little elf butt in there

[Mythrandear] lol Lyre thinks you’re cute

 

He definitely wanted to get to know everyone. Especially if they were gonna say he had a cute little elf butt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points for anyone who gets where Myth & Darmok's character names come from lol
> 
> i am a massive nerd


	3. Player Housing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, Purseffanie and Loroth kind of like each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who's been reading so far! :)

This was not going at all how Dan expected.

He thought he’d enjoy being an irrelevant lowbie that no one paid attention to, exploring the Elf starting zone by himself. And yet here he was making a new friend. And willingly inviting them into his safe little social circle. This was well outside his comfort zone to do, but Purseffanie made him feel useful and that was what he really needed right now.

He was glad he was learning a new player class himself though. If he’d been speed-leveling an alt in a familiar class, Purseffanie’s need for handholding and slow progression would drive him crazy.

Even Dan himself was amused by the apparent paradox that he was so overwhelmed by people in person, but so confident with people online. Online, people didn’t have realtime facial expressions, body heat, or that particular aura of awareness and sentience that humans just seem to give off all the time. Online, Dan didn’t feel like running away from anyone or shooing anyone away. Online, Dan didn’t feel like hiding.

And even with Phil, sometimes Dan wanted to hide. There was no way to politely tell Phil “You’re honestly great but can you go away right now” or “I love hanging out with you, but you have a body that exists in the physical realm and that makes me uncomfortable.” Dan didn’t want to make Phil feel like a nuisance. Phil was the only person Dan was ever comfortable around for any measurable stretch of time. But Phil was still a living, breathing human and that meant Dan felt  _ some _ pressure to be “on” or perform somehow when Phil was around.

Dan didn’t like that about himself, but he couldn’t really help it.

Not that it excused completely forgetting about their scheduled hangout night. Dan felt absolutely sick about that.

 

[Purseffanie] YAAAWWWNNN

[Loroth] lol

[Loroth] please say you’re sleepy

[Loroth] my self-esteem couldn’t handle it if my star wars prequel jokes were boring you

[Purseffanie] I don't like prequel references… they're coarse and rough and irritating and they get everywhere… ;)

[Loroth] lol you’re awesome

[Purseffanie] lol 

[Purseffanie] Don’t worry, your jokes are the only things that make the prequels bearable!

[Purseffanie] I am indeed sleepy.

[Loroth] well sleep then

[Loroth] you’ll be back though, right?

[Purseffanie] Yeah! Sometime tomorrow, definitely. I had fun tonight.

[Loroth] Me too :)

 

Dan watched the chatbox, waiting for it to say that Purseffanie had logged out, but the words never appeared. A moment later, Dan saw a new message.

 

[Purseffanie] Is it weird that I don’t want to log off?

[Loroth] not at all. it’s easy to get immersed and not want to leave.

[Purseffanie] I guess?

[Purseffanie] Anyway, logging off now.

[Loroth] you can just say ‘log’ for short. you’re logging. :)

[Purseffanie] Still so much lingo to figure out! Alright I’m gonna go be a lumberjack.

[Loroth] wtf? lol

[Purseffanie] Logging! Get it?

[Loroth] that doesn’t really work but ok? lol

[Loroth] your failure to be funny is actually funny

[Purseffanie] We both know I’m stalling. Hahahaha

[Purseffanie] Okay, I’m really going now! Goodnight, Loroth.

[Loroth] night pur. :)

 

After Purseffanie finally signed off for the night, Dan had a chat with the guild leader in Discord.

 

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

sry about ditching the raid earlier

**Darmok** 03/04/18

Everything ok?

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

yeah… my roommate and i were supposed to hang out earlier and i completely forgot.  
i just felt like shit and knew i couldn’t focus on the raid so  
yeah

**Darmok** 03/04/18

shit mate that sux :(  
Did you guys make up before you came back on?

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

no :( i wanted to apologize but he kinda just left  
i’ll try to apologize tmrw but i dunno he seems like he wants to be left alone

**Darmok** 03/04/18

hope you guys work it out  
wanna get back on Lyrepants and we’ll do some pvp or sommat?

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

lol right cuz a bard is soooo great for pvp

**Darmok** 03/04/18

well yeah, those buffs are great for us  
sure ur squishy but your buffs stay active even when ur dead so who cares!

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

lol fuck you mate

**Darmok** 03/04/18

haha  
hey man just trying to keep you distracted

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

lol  
nah it’s alright, i’m gonna go to sleep

**Darmok** 03/04/18

kk take care

**Lyrepants** 03/04/18

u too

 

***

 

The next day, Dan and Phil were walking on eggshells around one another. 

Dan didn’t want to show how much of a mess he was, so he kept his face buried in the PSVR helmet, trying to distract himself with Skyrim yet again. Despite that, he was preoccupied mentally with his guilt over having neglected Phil. He felt some ironic amusement over the fact that he did that and  _ still _ abandoned his guild during the raid regardless, so in the end he wasn’t any good to anyone. Luckily he’d apologized to Darmok for his sudden departure.

Phil walked by on his way to the kitchen, and Dan felt the air move behind him.

Dan pushed the headset up slightly and caught a quick view of Phil’s back as he went.

And neither of them said anything.

Neither wanted to be a bother if the other was still angry, and both figured an apology would be unwelcome just by virtue of being interaction. And every time one didn’t take the initiative, the other would feel more detached. So the anger faded, but the sadness grew, and the worry persisted.   
  


 

***

  
  


“If you want to see us yell and scream at this game again, hit that like button--”

“Don’t hit the like button,” Dan interrupted. “I never want to play this again!”

Phil laughed. “Subscribe to my content over there, and subscribe to that rat’s content over there.”

“And subscribe to this channel to get all our videos. And make sure ya ring-a-ling that bell to to get notifications because… who knows how the subscription feed works anymore, I mean really.”

“Bye!” Phil put his hands up to cover the camera lens.

He reached back to stop the camera and got ready to import the footage.

Dan stood. “Good video,” he said simply, leaving the room without looking at Phil.

Phil turned his eyes towards Dan, hoping to meet his eyes at some point as he walked out, but only caught sight of the back of Dan’s head. So Phil returned his gaze to the computer screen with a sigh, watching the progress bar as the video footage copied onto the PC hard drive. Still an hour and a half left until it was done. So he picked up his laptop.

 

***

 

Dan dropped onto his mattress. Being “on” for a gaming video had been exhausting. He needed to escape, so he logged into to the MMO as Lyrepants. He opened his Social window to see what guild members were online.

Purseffanie’s name was lit up. Therefore, Dan’s face shortly was too.

Dan had helped her level to 16 since she joined the guild. She was quite sweet, and Dan was finding himself shockingly comfortable with her. Normally new players could be frustrating to someone as stubborn and impatient as Dan could often be, but Purseffanie was a quick learner and very polite. Her frequent and enthusiastic “thank you”s were a good motivator to continue holding her hand through the game.

Dan double-clicked Purseffanie’s name to start chatting with her.

 

[Lyrepants] hiya

[Purseffanie] Hello!

[Lyrepants] doing anything rn?

[Purseffanie] Deciding on my crafting profession. It’s hard to pick one!

[Lyrepants] when you’re done with that, you can access the guild hall now that you’re past level 15

[Lyrepants] i wanna show you stuff :)

[Purseffanie] Okay! Where’s the guild hall?

[Lyrepants] in Kun Diral. Do you have the transport stop yet?

[Purseffanie] Not yet… I have the Dunfaldr one though

[Lyrepants] ok, let me know when you’re close to KD and I’ll meet you by the gates.

 

The game had five crafting professions - apothecary, blacksmith, chef, enchanter, and tailor. Phil knew he wanted to do something useful for the whole guild and not just himself, but he wasn’t sure if he should go with chef or apothecary. Chefs could make food that healed, gave you buffs, or replenished your mana. Apothecaries could create potions that had similar effects, but they could also make poisons which the rogues in the guild could use.

Phil was a healing sort of person by nature, but he wanted to be badass too. Wasn’t that the whole point of a game like this, after all? To be a fantasy version of yourself?

_ Apothecary it is, _ he thought.

After a few minutes, Purseffanie had flown from the elven capital of Laeth’alas to the Dwarven starting town of Dunfaldr. From there it was a quick jog to Kun Diral, the Dwarf capital. Its towering stone walls looked as though they were growing out of the green mountain that surrounded it; and, in fact, the Dwarves typically built their cities into mountains. Phil was once again mesmerized by the sceneries and architecture in this game’s world.

But not as mesmerized as he was when he saw Lyrepants for the first time. Being a max level character, Lyrepants had some very impressive gear on. Bards being cloth wearers, Lyrepants was able to wear a set that looked like fancy black evening wear with intricate decorations all over it. Of course, she also had a lute strapped to her back.

 

[Lyrepants] hi pur!

[Purseffanie] lol if you say that aloud it sounds like “hyper”! :D

[Lyrepants] appropriate :)

[Purseffanie] hehe… Anyway, hi :)

[Purseffanie] You know this is the first time I’ve seen Lyre in person?

[Purseffanie] I love your transmog! You look so cool!

[Lyrepants] thx :) these pieces aren’t all part of the same set officially, i spent hours designing it

[Purseffanie] Your work paid off, it looks incredible.

[Lyrepants] stop it ur gonna make me blush

[Lyrepants] come on, i’ll show you the guild hall. 

[Lyrepants] it’s got no point really it’s just like a trophy room for all of us lol

 

Lyrepants led Purseffanie through Kun Diral, into an area deep within the mountain where a few vendor NPCs stood. Surrounding them were a collection of 4 apparent houses. Lyrepants led Purseffanie to the largest of the four.

 

[Lyrepants] so the biggest one is always the guild hall, and the three smaller ones are used as character houses. 

[Lyrepants] i have a medium-sized one

[Purseffanie] Wait, you can have your own house in this game??

[Lyrepants] yeah, once you reach level 20 and have enough gold

[Lyrepants] you can either get your own house or you can move in with another character, like if you get married or something

[Purseffanie] You can get married too??

[Lyrepants] yeah… you know trillian and artydent? they’re married irl, and so they’re married in-game too.

[Purseffanie] ooooohhhhhh is that what the ring icon next to their name means?

[Lyrepants] indeedarino

[Purseffanie] Aww that’s really sweet. :)

 

_ Wow, _ Phil thought.  _ This game is... involved. No wonder someone could feel at home here. _

Once they entered the guild hall, it looked exactly as a rich hunter’s cabin would in a fantasy world. The wall had orc, imp, and gnoll heads mounted on it, and guild members’ pets ran around freely. Phil spotted a sentient 20-sided die flipping itself about the lounge while a corgi ran around a mission table.

 

[Purseffanie] IS THAT A CORGI!?!? YOU CAN HAVE A CORGI IN THIS GAME?!?!

[Lyrepants] lol watch the capslock

[Purseffanie] lol sorry ^^;;

[Lyrepants] but yes. that corgi is a particularly rare drop from the weeping outpost dungeon. 

[Lyrepants] myth got very lucky about three weeks after the dungeon opened

[Lyrepants] we have all been trying and failing to replicate her success.

[Purseffanie] I want ooonnnneee!!

[Lyrepants] lol good fucking luck

[Lyrepants] it’s a level 90 dungeon for one thing plus the drop rate is like, zero

[Purseffanie] I don’t care, I’m going to level to 90 and I’m going to get it!

[Lyrepants] it’s important to have goals I guess lol

 

***

 

Dan looked at his door and thought of Phil. Purseffanie really reminded him of a girl version of Phil. She shared his optimism, for one thing; for another, his obsession with having a corgi. Dan thinks maybe he wouldn’t have such a hard time remembering to hang out with Pur, though.

Dan continued to show Purseffanie the other features of the guild hall. The mission table allowed for instant transportation to any in-game town where you’d already been. The guild bank was accessible from a room upstairs, where there were also multiple crafting tables. A kitchen could be found downstairs, acting as the crafting table for chefs, and the wall was covered in trophy items that dropped from each raid boss, so you could tell what kind of progress the guild had made by looking around.

Suddenly, Dan saw a new whisper message from Purseffanie.

“Can I see your house?” it said.

Dan wasn’t sure about letting Purseffanie into his personal space yet. His home in-game was mostly full of items that were ugly or embarrassing; all the cool stuff ended up in the guild hall. Plus, half the stuff wasn’t even technically his so it was all a hodgepodge. He had a jellyfish pet, a giant palm leaf houseplant that was insanely awkward to place, and a trophy that was basically just a crystal ball that floated weirdly and didn’t match the decor scheme of the house at all. 

Although he did have a black cat with a witch hat on it. It was cool. He only put it in the guild hall during Halloween.

Since Dan was nervous about sharing his mismatched disaster of a house with Purseffanie, he fought the awkwardness by being ridiculous.

 

[Lyrepants] u wanna come back to my place, eh? ;)

[Purseffanie] LOL no not like that! Hahaha

[Purseffanie] I mean, unless you want me to mean it like that…

[Purseffanie] oh my god nevermind FORGET I SAID ANYTHING

 

Whoa wait a minute… was Purseffanie flirting with him? Dan did not foresee this. While Purseffanie had an adorable personality and made Dan feel wanted, he hadn’t really thought of her like  _ that _ . Of course that was now totally ruined forever. Now, Dan felt not only wanted but kind of… desired.

The way to Dan’s heart was through his self-esteem, apparently.

Regardless, it was only right to clear things up.

 

[Lyrepants] lol um… no its ok i promise :) i was just joking, i knew you didnt mean it like that

[Lyrepants] but i mean i don’t think i’d mind if you did mean it like that

 

_...great job clearing things up, you dingus. _

Dan’s fingers hovered awkwardly above his keyboard. “The fuck am I doing…?” He muttered aloud.

He clicked over to Discord and sent a message to Darmok.

 

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

darm help

**Darmok** 03/07/18

what up?

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

i think purseffanie likes me. like like-likes me.

**Darmok** 03/07/18

like like? like li-li-likey like like likey like?

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

yes like-like stop fucking with me i really need some advice here

**Darmok** 03/07/18

Jeez fuck i don’t know, why are you asking me?

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

cause you’re an adult

**Darmok** 03/07/18

The hell does that even mean?  
Whatever, anyway, first things first: do you like her?

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

i think… i think maybe?  
i mean... I really enjoy chatting with her, but i hadn't thought about it until right this minute  
I don’t even know what she looks or sounds like irl though so I feel like liking her would be weird

**Darmok** 03/07/18

love is blind, my friend

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

mate. way too soon to be throwing around a word like that.

**Darmok** 03/07/18

still - it doesn’t matter what she looks like. if you like her you like her.

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

but what if she isn’t into guys?

**Darmok** 03/07/18

Only one way to find out  
lock her alone in a dungeon with you ;)

**Lyrepants** 03/07/18

darm you are the actual fucking worst  
but yeah ur right… ok

 

Dan knew what Darmok meant. Purseffanie was going to hear his very male (and irritatingly dorky) voice over Discord one way or the other. May as well get that shit over with. His headset was still in the gaming room -- no way he was going in there while Phil was working -- so he grabbed his iPhone earbuds and plugged them into his Macbook. He took a breath and clicked back over to his chat with Purseffanie.

 

[Lyrepants] actually let’s not go to my house yet

[Lyrepants] you’re level 16 now - it is well past time to get you in a dungeon.

[Purseffanie] If you think I’m ready! I could definitely do with some better gear.

[Lyrepants] get in discord so I can coordinate with you better.

[Lyrepants] i’ll switch over to loroth once you’re in

[Lyrepants] i know you don’t have a headset yet, but do you have headphones?

[Purseffanie] Yeah somewhere… lost my iphone headphones though so no mic :( they’re just regular headphones.

 

_ Damn, _ Dan thought.  _ It would have been nice to know what this person sounds like. I wonder if they’re a girl or if they’re a guy in real life? Whichever they are, I bet their voice is nice. _

 

[Lyrepants] that’s ok… as long as I can sort of direct you, it’s all good

[Lyrepants] i’ll just watch the text chat for things you say

[Purseffanie] Ok, I found my headphones! Go ahead and log in to Loroth and I’ll see you in Discord, yeah?

[Lyrepants] yup

 

_ Here we go. No turning back now. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More dorky character names! Who gets the references? :D


	4. Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil hears his in-game friend's voice for the first time, and has to decide how he's going to proceed.

Phil was smiling uncontrollably as Lyrepants excitedly showed him everything one could do in the guild hall. It seemed like a very convenient hub, and a great meeting place for guildies. Despite the coolness of the guild hall, however, Phil was wondering what the player houses looked like. And he was quite distracted by imagining what sort of house Lyre had.

So before he could stop himself, he asked,  “Can I see your house?”

Lyrepants took what felt like a decade to respond. Phil tapped on his desk impatiently (and nervously), then finally started to type a “Sorry if that’s too forward to ask” message. But before he could finish it, Lyre responded.

 

[Lyrepants] u wanna come back to my place, eh? ;)

 

Phil hurriedly deleted his apology message and started over. This was getting awkward.

 

[Purseffanie] LOL no not like that! Hahaha

[Purseffanie] I mean, unless you want me to mean it like that…

[Purseffanie] oh my god nevermind FORGET I SAID ANYTHING

 

_ Way to make it less awkward, you spoon. _

 

[Lyrepants] lol um… no its ok i promise :) i was just joking, i knew you didnt mean it like that

[Lyrepants] but i mean i don’t think i’d mind if you did mean it like that

 

Phil was taken aback by the “yes-no-yes” rollercoaster of emotion those two responses took him on.

His fingertips dangling above the keyboard, he thought about what to say in response.  _ Should I tell her I  _ did _ mean it like that? Wait… did I mean it like that? Oh god I think I did. Should I laugh along and say I was just joking after all? Oh my god, what do I say to this? _

He stood up and paced the game room for a few minutes. The video transfer still had an hour and ten minutes remaining, so he couldn’t use work as an excuse to sign off. Well, he  _ could _ , but it would have felt dishonest. He bit the skin on the side of his thumb nail and looked at the game screen. Lyrepants wasn’t saying anything. Either she was still waiting for him to respond, or she’d gotten up to use the toilet or something.

Phil took a breath and sat back down. He didn’t know what to do yet, but--

Lyre sent a message just then.

 

[Lyrepants] actually let’s not go to my house yet

 

_ Oh thank god. Crisis averted. _

 

[Lyrepants] you’re level 16 now -  it is well past time to get you in a dungeon.

 

_ Yes. Yes, a dungeon is a great idea. Let’s do that. Let’s run a dungeon. _

 

[Purseffanie] If you think I’m ready! I could definitely do with some better gear.

[Lyrepants] get in discord so I can coordinate with you better.

[Lyrepants] i’ll switch over to loroth once you’re in

[Lyrepants] i know you don’t have a headset yet, but do you have headphones?

 

Phil saw the gaming headset on the desk. He did have a headset this time, sure, but he knew he couldn’t be consistent with it, and besides… he was, yes, crushing on Lyrepants pretty hard and didn’t want to embarrass himself by stuttering or saying the wrong thing. He did that enough during the gaming video they filmed earlier, and Dan made fun of him as always. He really didn’t want to deal with any more of that today.

 

_ Definitely not ready for Lyre to hear my voice just yet. _

 

[Purseffanie] Yeah somewhere… lost my iphone headphones ages ago though so no mic :( they’re just regular headphones.

[Lyrepants] that’s ok… as long as I can sort of direct you, it’s all good

[Lyrepants] i’ll just watch the text chat for things you say

 

Then, suddenly, it was real. _ Oh my god I’m going to hear this person’s voice oh my god oh god oh god shit where are my headphones? _ Phil checked the drawers in the desk. Nothing. He looked through the clear plastic drawers in the game room closet. Not there either.

“Dammit, dammit, dammit…” he said aloud, crashing around the office like a mad thing trying to find those silly headphones. Finally, he found them behind the DDR mat leaning against the back wall.

 

[Purseffanie] Ok, I found my headphones! Go ahead and log in to Loroth and I’ll see you in Discord, yeah?

[Lyrepants] yup

 

Lyrepants logged out, and Loroth logged in.

Phil plugged in his headphones, opened Discord, and clicked the icon for the guild’s server.

He hovered over the voice chat room named “Dungeons - Low Level” and hesitated. Lyrepants was already in there. “This is it,” he said aloud to himself. “Once you click, voice will be connected. You can do this.”

He clicked.

“Hello?” came a voice in his headphones. A very, very familiar male voice. 

...Phil had to be mistaken. It couldn’t be. ...Could it?

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

Hi, I can hear you

 

“Okay,” the voice said. “Good!” the man giggled and oh god. Phil would recognize that giggle anywhere. He felt his breath hitch in his throat. There was no way this player, his new best friend, the person he was flirting with a few minutes ago was actually...

“...Dan?” he whispered to himself.

  
  


***

  
  


“Sorry if my voice surprises you. I usually play girl characters, but I’m a guy in real life, so. One of  _ those _ types, I guess.” Dan couldn’t help but giggle nervously and he knew he sounded like an idiot.  _ One of what types? What the hell am I even saying? _

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

it’s fine :)

 

Dan tried to breathe.  _ “It’s fine”? What does “It’s fine” mean? Oh god she’s repulsed by my stupid dorky voice. God I hate my voice. _

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

I’m actually a guy in real life too so it’s not that weird

 

“Oh! That’s interesting. And here I was worried you’d find my dude voice, like, gross or something.” Dan couldn't stop smiling. They had something in common!

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

not gross at all  
actually i really like hearing it  
a lot

 

Okay that had to be flirting. It had to be. ...Maybe.

 

***

 

Phil was bouncing his foot uncontrollably and tapping on the desk in a way that he only ever saw Dan do.  _ Is Dan this nervous all the time? Is that why he does this? That seems absolutely hellish. _

Phil was trying to keep up his character’s flirtatious nature, hoping Lyre -- or rather,  _ Dan  _ \-- didn’t notice the shift in his demeanor.

Not that he was lying when he said he liked hearing Dan’s voice. They’d been so quiet to one another over the last few days that he’d begun to miss it.

“Can I ask you something?” Dan’s voice said.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

You can definitely ask me anything. I can’t guarantee I’ll answer, but you can ask!

 

“This is going to sound like a really weird and probably rather presumptuous question.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

lol  
Spit it out! It’s okay, it’s just me. :)

 

“Were you flirting when you said you liked my voice or am I reading too much into that?”

_ Oh god dammit Dan you’re never this straightforward! _

Phil had a choice to make. It would be easiest to say he hadn’t been flirting. That would prevent complications when Dan inevitably learned that Purseffanie was Phil, for one thing. For another, it would probably put a stop to the flirting they were doing and Phil could focus on the game, which he was enjoying playing.

Another choice was to see where it went if he kept up the flirtatious aspect of Purseffanie’s character. It seemed to be the most natural and organic flow of their characters’ relationship. Plus, he did want to learn why Dan felt so at home in game, and this felt like a good way to get Dan to confide in him. 

The third choice was to say “sorry, this is actually Phil you’ve been playing with the whole time! Surprise!” but that was right out. Phil could not bring himself to do that. It would look like he’d set up some kind of sting operation to sabotage Dan or something. Dan would be utterly humiliated by that. And that was if he believed Phil at all - he would probably assume it was a fan pretending to be Phil.

Phil knew he should probably tell Dan the truth eventually, but… for the time being, keeping up the flirting felt like the best option. If he and Dan spoke in real life again, he could explain the whole thing and he’d  hopefully be forgiven.

But things weren’t looking great for Dan & Phil’s friendship out here in the real world. If their friendship ended permanently, this way, Phil would still have him. Sort of.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/07/18

Yeah. I was flirting.

Too much? I can stop if it’s unwelcome...

 

“Not at all. I um… I actually think you’re really cool, Pur.”

Hearing Dan say that nickname out loud was almost too much for Phil. He felt his face redden and his heart tingle.

He missed Dan. And now, in this game, he seemed to have him back. But in a completely new way, and he had no idea how to deal with it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how short this chapter is - 3 and 4 were originally one chapter but 3 got too long and I had to rework things a bit. But don't worry, more updates to come today! :D


	5. Push to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff is not going well for Dan & Phil in real life, so Dan goes to "Purseffanie" to get his worries off his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has now been reblogged on tumblr so hi people from tumblr! I'm glad you found the fic, seeing as how the link went up literally right after the new DnP Games video went up. Boy it sure is Friday the 13th today, lol.

Phil sat on a stepstool, elbows on his knees and face in his hands, watching the front-loading washer fill up with soapy water.

_ Only my clothes in there today. Oh, you bubbles. I’m so jealous of your ability to be so… bubbly. _

He and Dan were doing their laundry separately for the first time in years. Phil was shocked by how much that hurt.  _ Most _ roommates did their laundry separately, he reminded himself. But then he and Dan had never been anything like most roommates. And now Dan was his enemy in real life but his best friend in a stupid game, and had no idea about the latter.

The whole thing struck Phil as hilariously complicated for how simple it all was. Dan was Phil’s best friend. Full stop.

They were just having a low period in real life, that’s all.

Watching the washer fill up was as therapeutic as always despite the sad implications of only one person’s clothing being in there. The rhythmic rotation of the clothes was just hypnotic enough to keep Phil’s mind from working too hard, and he happily spaced out.

Dan walked by the laundry room and backed up when he saw Phil staring vacantly at the washer.

He looked at him curiously, moderately concerned. He opened his mouth to speak, and then, figuring Phil wouldn’t want to talk to him anyway, he simply walked away. Phil noticed, but only looked towards the doorway after it was clear of Dan’s presence.

He stopped himself from calling out Dan’s name, and went back to watching the washer.

 

***

 

“Hey Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Um… I need you for this dinof video I’m working on.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I need you to slap me across the face, basically.”

Phil gulped. He was really not sure he could do that.

“What’s, um… what’s the context?”

“What, are you a self-important thespian who needs to know ‘what’s my motivation’ now? What does it matter? Just come in here and slap me.”

_ Gladly, _ Phil thought. But then he hesitated. This was Dan. Lyrepants. Or Loroth, whatever. His friend, either way. He was going to have a hard time slapping Dan no matter how mad he was at him.

Phil walked into Dan’s room, where Dan was sitting with a game controller in his hand.

“Okay, so… camera’s already running. I’m gonna make this stupid smiling face, playing a game, and you’re going to slap me in the face.”

“Uh… okay.”

“Stand a bit more to your left. Your other left, you twat. Okay. Whenever you’re ready.”

Dan proceeded to make said stupid face and Phil put a hand up to aim it. He pulled back to swing at Dan’s face, and as he approached Dan’s face his hand reflexively pulled back, resulting in his fingertips lightly brushing Dan’s nose.

“Come on, Phil.”

“Sorry!”

Dan smiled like an idiot again, and Phil tried again, and failed again.

And again.

“Fuck’s sake, Phil!”

“I’m sorry, I just… I can’t hurt you, it’s hard!”

“I know it’s usually hard for you to do this kind of thing but like… this time, can you just… can you just think back to when I forgot about hanging out with you, and be mad?”

Phil frowned. “I mean… I can try.”

“Okay. Let’s try it again then.”

Phil took his mind back to the day that started all of this. And yeah, he felt mad. Very mad. But he couldn’t bring himself to slap Dan. He brought his hand up, and hesitated. His eyes teared up.

Dan lowered the controller and rolled his eyes.

“Fucking hell, Phil!”

“What? I’m sorry!”

“What the fuck are you apologizing for!?” Dan yelled, throwing the controller onto the ground. “I fucked up, okay? I was a piece of shit and I deserve to get hit right now! So fucking  _ hit me! _ ”

Phil didn’t know what came over him, but his hand swiftly made contact with Dan’s cheek, a resounding  _ clap! _ echoing in their ears. That had not been a weak stage slap. It was real, and Phil had meant it.

Dan gently lay his hand on the point of impact, scarcely believing what had just happened, and looked at Phil with an open mouth and wide eyes. Phil’s own eyes were similarly enlarged out of shock that he’d done that.

Phil gulped. “I… I’m sor--”

“Jesus Christ, Phil, I didn’t need you to do it that hard.” Dan had interrupted Phil, but his voice was quiet. Like a child’s. “But um. Thanks. That uh… that should be enough. I’ll have to edit around it a bit, but um. Yeah.”

Phil just nodded and walked out of Dan’s room, closing the door behind him.

He heard a sniffle and some muttered curses on the other side of the door. His stomach squeezed uncomfortably as he walked away.

  
  


***

  
  


A couple of dungeons and another hour of questing that night were enough to get Purseffanie and Loroth up to level 19. Purseffanie now happily sported a much nicer set of boots and a bow that added +9 to her attack speed. Loroth’s only upgrade was some slightly better bracers, but Dan had seemed quite happy to get them.

“After dungeons I usually need a breather so I’ll go to Honeymaw by myself and just chill out in the woods around the town...” Dan’s voice said sweetly. “Um, do you want to come chat with me there?”

Dan sounded so insecure, so small. Phil had just played through a dungeon with this strong, confident, capable Loroth and it was startling -- and not a little upsetting -- to hear Dan sound so… Well, so much like he did after the slap Phil gave him earlier. But it made Phil feel like he was being let in. Like Dan was being vulnerable.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

Sure, I’ll come with. :)

 

The Human town of Honeymaw was in the southeast corner of the map. It was tucked away in a valley full of tall deciduous trees whose leaves were varying shades of golden all year round. Shafts of sunlight poked through the gaps in the leaves, giving the area around the town a feeling of, well, being surrounded by honey.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

It’s beautiful here.

 

“Yeah,” Dan said. “I love coming to this area whenever I need to think or be alone. Lyrepants was my first character, so this town was where I started. I always feel so at home whenever I come back, so it became sort of a safe haven I guess. Sometimes I log in and I don’t even play, I just come here.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

And you’re bringing me here? I’m honored.  
...That seemed sarcastic, I’m sorry. I’m not being sarcastic at all, I’m… really genuinely honored.

 

Dan snickered a bit before answering. “Well, ya should be.” Then he continued, now sounding a bit more serious. “I uh.. I’m not great with people for the most part. But… I don’t know. You’re different.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

Different how?

 

Dan knew he could talk about how sweet Purseffanie was to him, how he always seemed to know when to leave Dan alone, how magnetic his general enthusiasm was. But even Dan found himself doubting that it really was Purseffanie’s personality that he liked. Maybe it was just that Purseffanie was still a blank slate he could invent the perfect person around. 

“Honestly, maybe it’s just that you’re still a  _ character _ to me, not a person. Maybe it’s partly because I haven’t heard your voice yet.” Dan sighed. “Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s just the timing.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

Timing?

 

“The night I met you… you remember my flatmate that I mentioned then?”

Phil remembered. And was now able to put the pieces together that they’d been talking about each other without realizing it. Phil was suddenly glowing a bit.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

Yeah. You said they were the best person you know, right?

 

“Yeah. He um… He and I were meant to hang out that night and I completely forgot. Just… spaced it completely. I was  _ raiding _ . As though raiding could ever be more important than him.”

Listening to this, Phil felt his eyes burn.

“It’s like my brain just erased those plans without my permission or something.”

Phil didn’t know what to say right now.

After a brief silence, Dan continued, sensing that he was allowed to explain further. “Like I said, people exhaust me. The sad thing is, he exhausts me too sometimes. Not that it’s any fault of his. There’s literally nothing wrong with him. If I could engineer the perfect friend, I couldn’t create one more perfect than he is. He deserves better than someone whose brain just, like, nopes out of plans like some sort of fucked up defense mechanism. I just… I really fucked up that day, and… it wasn’t the first time I’d forgotten plans, but they weren’t major plans before, you know? So this time… this time was probably the worst. And we haven’t properly spoken since.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

I’m really really sorry. :(

 

“Not your fault.”

_ If only you realized how untrue that was, _ Phil thought.

“He... slapped me really hard today. Not that, like, he attacked me or anything. He’s really not capable of that, I promise you. It was meant to be a theatrical slap for something I’m working on, but he slapped me for real. He meant it. And… I guess… I deserved it.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

I’m sure you didn’t. We all screw up sometimes.

 

“Yeah, and we all deserve to face the consequences of those screw ups. I have so few friends, I really fucked up by neglecting  _ him _ like that.” Dan laughed bitterly. “God, I probably sound like such a flop of a person right now.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

You’re not a flop. Just a forgetful introvert. I can relate.

 

“True enough. It is tough being an introvert in an extrovert’s world, especially if you have depressive episodes that make it hard for you to remember plans that you make. I feel like an extrovert would be a better best friend for Phil than I am. An extrovert without depression.”

Phil realized that this was the first time Dan had mentioned his depression to Purseffanie. He wasn’t sure how he should react to it. Would Purseffanie be shocked to hear about it? If so, would he be expected to react in chat? Knowing Dan, and knowing what he responded best to in real life, Phil decided to treat it like it wasn’t an alarming piece of information, but instead just another aspect of Dan’s personality. The depression wasn’t an excuse, but it was a reason for how he acted, and right now Dan needed reassurance, not shock.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

Well, if your flatmate really is the best person you know, then he deserves the best, right?

 

“Exactly.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

That means he deserves you.   
<3

 

Back in his room, Dan was silently sobbing. He pushed the left Ctrl key to begin talking, but then had to let it go again to get more sobs out.

Purseffanie was more than he deserved. Just like Phil.  _ I can not fuck this one up, _ Dan thought. _ I can’t fuck up my friendship with this person like I’ve fucked up my friendship with Phil. This is a gift. I absolutely can not squander it. _

Phil, meanwhile, was waiting to hear back from Dan. He saw the highlight around Dan’s avatar go on and off - obviously Dan was attempting to speak, but not actually saying anything. Phil wondered if he was okay.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

…Dan?

 

Phil had hit enter before realizing what he’d just said.  _ Shitshitshitshit-- oh. Wait. Dan was a radio personality for YEARS. This can’t be too unexpected for him. _

“Oh fuck,” Dan said with a laugh and a sniffle. “Guess my cover’s blown, huh?” He said this completely casually - sure enough, it didn’t appear as though being recognized was weird to him at all. “You know I’m that bloke from the radio and YouTube. So then you probably know who my flatmate is, yeah?”

Phil breathed deeply, relieved that he didn’t even need to make an excuse - Dan assumed the exact right thing.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

lol  
Yeah. Sorry I didn’t let on before… it took me a few days listening to you for me to be sure.

 

_ Perfectly believable _ , Phil thought.  _ I am the best liar ever. Wait, why am I proud of that? _

“Just, um… me and Phil’s friendship is a pretty big part of our brand, yeah? So I’d appreciate if you didn’t, like… post about us having a fight on social media or anything. I’m sure we’ll work it out. We always do.”

_ We do,  _ Phil thought. _ But I don’t think it was ever this bad before. _

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

Won’t say a thing. Cross my heart.  
I have a lot of fun with you, and you’re a really good person. I want to stay friends with you, I don’t want to mess that up.

 

“Thanks. Um… what’s your name, anyway? You know mine, I feel like you have me at a disadvantage.” Dan was still smiling through tears, and Phil could hear it.

He froze for a moment, however, when faced with the issue of what name to tell Dan. He couldn’t admit he was Phil  _ now _ . Dan would feel incredibly foolish if he learned the truth now of all times.

Dan had told Phil years ago that while he could never pull off a name like Zack or Jackson, he did perhaps look like a “Joe.” Hoping Dan didn’t remember that too well, Phil typed his response.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/11/18

I’m not really comfortable telling you my real name yet, but… I guess you can call me Joe?

 

“Alright then,” Dan said, giggling. “Nice to meet you, Joe.”   
  
  



	6. Companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loroth and Purseffanie have been playing together for awhile now, and they continue to get closer. But the relationship between Dan and Phil in person has only continued to erode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's it been, a few hours since my last update? Maybe those few hours can simulate the week and a half that's gone by between chapters in the story world, lol. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster...

[Lyrepants] has received item  [Pet Crate: Corgi]

_ Finally,  _ Dan thought. _ I’ve finally got it. _

“HOLY SHIT LYRE YOU GOT IT!!!”

“Oh my god, jelly!”

“Not fair!”

“Hahaha, welcome to the club, Lyrepants!”

By now, Loroth and Purseffanie were level 28. Purseffanie -- or rather, Joe -- had kept his promise not to say anything about the rift growing between Dan & Phil and as a result Joe had earned Dan’s trust in a major way. At the moment, however, Purseffanie was offline, giving Dan the opportunity to run the Weeping Outpost dungeon with his guild. They were in it for achievement unlocks and rare items like transmog gear and, in Dan’s case, the Corgi companion pet.

“Don’t congratulate me too much, guys, I’m not keeping this.”

“What? Why the fuck would you sell it?” Mythrandear asked. “Do you need gold that badly? Because I have a ton…”

Dan laughed. “No, um… Purseffanie absolutely flipped when she saw your corgi in the guild hall. I think she’d appreciate this far more than I would. I’m gonna give it to her.”

Trillian’s voice rang out. “Oooohhh… someone’s in love!” The rest of the guild echoed the sentiment.

“Oi, sod off! I don’t even know what he-- um, Pur is a guy IRL, by the way. But um. Yeah, I don’t even know what he looks or sounds like. Nothing romantic here at all.”

Darmok, who hadn’t even been in the dungeon run but was hanging out in voice chat, had to agree with Trillian. “You don’t just  _ give _ someone the Corgi pet, Lyre.”

“Yeah mate,” Cinnamonster -- Neena -- concurred. “That’s not something you give up.”

“Well maybe I just think that my progress in this game doesn’t matter all that much, and that being kind to another person is more important.”

Trillian was rolling her eyes, and you could hear it over voice chat. “Yeah right. I bet you can’t even say that with a straight face.”

“Just ask him to marry you now, mate,” Darmok said. “You may as well.”

“Shut up, the lot of you.”

In truth, Dan had spent the entire conversation smiling.

He really was falling for this “Joe” person, and he knew it.

  
  


***

  
  


**Purseffanie** 03/19/18

Should I close my eyes?

 

“No. That would make it awfully hard for you to press the ‘confirm trade’ button.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/19/18

lol okay okay. :)

 

Phil saw the Trade dialog box come up. In the “From Lyrepants to Purseffanie” side of the window, one item appeared.

> [Pet Crate: Corgi]

Phil’s amused grin dropped away in favor of a wide set of eyes and a quiet gasp. He’d looked up the drop rate for this pet. It was .017%, it only dropped from one boss, and you could only try once per week to get it.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/19/18

OH MY GOD DAN

 

Phil clicked “Confirm Trade”.

“Do you like it?” Dan’s voice said.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/19/18

You KNOW I love it!!!! :D

But how did you get an extra one already?

 

“I didn’t get an extra one. Aside from this one, I’ve never even seen it drop before. This is the first one I’ve gotten, and… I wanted you to have it.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/19/18

I can’t accept this.

 

“Yes you can!” Dan laughed. “I mean sure, you could buy one off another player for all 350,000 gold, but it would take, like, a hundred years to get that much. Fuck that. No, this is your corgi.”

Phil opened the pet crate and let the corgi follow him.

“What are you gonna name him?” Dan asked.

Phil didn’t have to think for long.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/19/18

Do you mind if I name him Howell? After you? 

And also, because, y’know… dogs howl, so… it’s cute.

 

Dan’s face was hurting from all the smiling he was doing, and a gesture like that was certainly no help.

“I’d be honored,” he said.

 

***

 

Phil wished that things in real life could be going as well as things in-game. 

After the slap incident, Dan and Phil were no longer helping one another with their solo content. Fans were starting to notice how tense they appeared in their gaming videos. Indeed, the camera was more zoomed out these days, and they were sitting a bit further apart. The banter continued as normal, for the most part, but Dan rarely looked directly at Phil anymore, which Phil could plainly see whenever he was the one editing.

Phil still looked at Dan all the time, though. 

It was hard for Phil to separate in-game Dan from real-life Dan. But in Dan’s eyes, “Joe” and Phil could not be more separate. He noted the similarities in their personalities, sure, but in his mind, Phil was a begrudging roommate and business partner, and Joe was… special.

After finishing filming a gaming video, Dan and Phil once again went their separate ways, with Dan staying behind to edit this time and Phil sequestering himself in his bedroom.

Phil always looked forward to this time, when he could escape this bizarro Dan and go back to hanging out with his friend in-game. One day he’d be able to talk to Dan in real life again, but he hadn’t worked up the nerve yet.

With every passing day, every conversation he had with Dan, he could feel himself getting closer to understanding, closer to being able to talk to Dan in real life again.

Phil knew Dan was editing in the other room, so it made sense when Loroth asked to meet Phil in Honeymaw again. Dan could chat, but he certainly couldn’t properly play right now.

Phil flew to the village and headed into the orange glow of the woods.

“Hey Joe,” Dan said.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Hey :) You ok?

 

“I wanted to talk to you about something. And maybe get your advice.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Go for it.

 

“Well… I know you’re aware of the situation with me and Phil. We, um… we’re still not speaking like we were. And it’s been weeks now. So… I’ve started looking for a new flat to move to.”

Phil felt all the air exit his lungs. This was the absolute last thing he expected Dan to say.  _ No, _ he thought.  _ No! It isn’t that bad. It can’t be that bad. We can get through this, right? _

“I feel like… if we were ever going to make up and be friends again, we would have by now. Maybe that night really was the last straw for him, you know what I mean? Like… maybe he’s finally realized I’m a terrible friend and I’m not worth having around. Either way, I feel like…”

Dan started sobbing.

“I just can’t keep seeing him around anymore, Joe. I can’t see him walk around the flat, hear his voice when he’s working on videos, smell his body wash… He’s not stealing my cereal anymore and it’s like he’s a ghost or something. I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t.”

Phil was crying now too.  _ Please don’t leave me, Dan, please! _ he thought.

“But if I move out, like, how do I explain that to our audience?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Don’t move out!

Maybe you just need to talk to him.

Maybe he feels just as lonely as you do.

 

“If he really wanted to keep me around, he’d have talked to me after the video, you know.”

Video? Phil thought. What video? He quickly alt-tabbed to YouTube and saw that Dan had uploaded that last dinof video awhile ago. The title? “VIDEO GAMES > REAL FRIENDS”. He made a mental note to watch it later. In the meantime, he had to keep up the Purseffanie persona.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

But what if he knew you needed your space and didn’t want to overwhelm you?

Just going up and saying “hey, you still need to apologize to me in person” would probably make him feel like a nagging wife

And all of us viewers know he loves you more than that.

 

Phil typed the words “He loves you very much, Dan” but he didn’t hit enter to send them. Not yet.

“He doesn’t love me, Joe. You lo… you care about me more than he does.”

Phil edited his message a little.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

I do love you very much, Dan.

But you need to talk to Phil personally.

Please. For me.

 

“For you?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Yeah. I can’t sit back and watch you be unhappy.

 

They sat in silence for a minute.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Dan? You there?

 

“I’ll be right back.”

Phil sat stunned for a moment.  _ Oh my god, _ he thought.  _ Is he going to come in here and talk to me right now? _ He quickly unplugged his headphones, stuck them in his pocket, closed his laptop, and then realized that he would totally be on his laptop anyway so he opened it back up, made sure the speaker volume was down, and minimized the game window.

And he sat. And he waited.

He heard Dan’s feet approach the bedroom door, and he could swear he heard Dan breathe. But then… nothing. Dan just walked away without knocking or calling for Phil or anything.

Phil exhaled, simultaneously relieved and disappointed. He plugged his headphones back in and opened the game window again.

“You there?” Dan’s voice said.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Yeah

 

“I went to knock on his door but he wasn’t there.”

Phil closed his eyes and sighed.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Well you tried, that’s all that matters. Try again tomorrow, yeah?

 

“Maybe. I guess. I don’t know.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

I believe in you.

 

“Thanks Joe. You’re really good for me. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

You’d be fine. You have Phil.

 

“No I don’t.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Bullshit, yes you do. 

If you don’t have Phil right now it’s as much your fault as it is his. 

And it’s temporary. 

One of you will come around. Something’s gotta give.

 

“I know, I know, give it time, right?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

No! Don’t give it time. Give it your best.

Like I said, I believe in you.

 

“The ball is in my court I guess.”

Phil thought about what was stopping him from talking to Dan now that he knew Dan was indeed sorry and wanted desperately to apologize. Of course, there was the whole not-letting-on-that-he’s-Purseffanie thing. But was he cheering Dan on, or was he talking to himself at this point?

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Well, one of you has to act. 

But you only have control over you, so it may as well be you.

 

“Is it bad that I still want it to be him who knocks on  _ my _ door?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

No. I mean, it’s not great, lol

But I think on some level you need to know for sure that he cares enough to do that.

Am I getting the right idea?

 

“Yeah.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Still… you were the one who forgot the hangout night.

 

“Yeah…”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

I think he needs to know you care enough to approach him, too. 

And not just with a video. He needs to know you care enough to talk to HIM.

 

_ This is a weird conversation to be having, _ Phil thought.  _ Here I am psychoanalyzing myself to Dan, pretending my actual feelings are just speculation. Is this what being an author would feel like? _

“I do care, I care so much. You know that. But it isn’t easy to face a fear like this.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Which would make it mean all the more to him if you did face it.

 

Dan grumbled almost cartoonishly. Phil found it adorable.

“Why can’t you be him?” Dan said. “It would make this all so much easier. I could just say ‘Phil, I’m sorry,’ and then he’d know and I wouldn’t have to face him.”

Phil tensed up. All he wanted to do was run across the hallway and tell Dan it was him, it was really him this whole time. But he also knew Dan. He knew talking over voice chat was easier for him. Looking Phil in the face was going to make it so much harder.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

brb one second

 

Phil breathed in, puffed up his chest, and moved his mouse up to the Apple menu. He clicked on System Preferences, and then the Sound icon.

The Input tab was already lit up, and the Internal Microphone’s volume slider was the whole way down as usual because you never know who might be listening. Aliens, FBI agents, who knows.

But right now, Phil’s cursor was hovering over that slider.

He pushed it up to the halfway mark.

“Joe? Did you get a mic? I hear noise coming from your end.”

Phil took a few breaths.

“Dan? It’s uh… it’s me. It’s Phil.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW RIGHT


	7. AFK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil have no choice but to finally actually speak to one another, but... Phil isn't happy with where the conversation goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay I've tortured you with that cliffhanger for long enough. lol

“Dan?”

At first, Phil was alarmed by the lack of response.  _ Oh god, he’s shocked and he’s mad, I just know it. _ But he didn’t even hear Dan pushing his push-to-talk key, and eventually Lyrepants went offline. Phil checked the game, and Loroth was awkwardly running into a tree for a moment before the avatar faded out.

> [Loroth] has logged out.

_ Ah, _ Phil thought.  _ He got disconnected. Because of course he did. _

Phil breathed a sigh of relief, but then his chest tightened again when he realized that he had no idea if Dan had even heard his voice at all. What if he hadn’t? Or what if he had? Phil couldn’t decide which scenario was worse. It was all he could do to stop himself from screaming.

Phil took stock of his situation. He knew Dan was thinking of moving out, but he had no idea if Dan knew that Phil knew that. Phil had to think of a way to figure out what Dan knew he knew.

And he knew he was in for an awkward couple of hours.

He got up. He needed a Ribena. His mouth was awfully dry all of a sudden.

 

***

 

Back in the gaming room, Dan was looking at a MacBook screen full of colorful noise.

“Fucking kernel panic!” he yelled. His MacBook had crashed. And just as he was about to hear Joe’s voice for the first time, too!  _ Figures. Too many Chrome tabs open again, probably.  _ He really needed to buy a new laptop anyway. Or at least do that OSX update, which he’d been procrastinating for like two months.

He sighed, thankful that at least he’d been playing on his MacBook and not the gaming PC (which was currently rendering), and force-restarted the machine. “Fuck,” he grumbled.

It had been ages since they started playing together - Dan didn’t seriously believe the lack of a proper headset mic was the only thing keeping Joe from making his voice heard. Clearly Joe was shy or anxious about it, and Dan understood. So he wouldn’t push him. He just hoped Joe would still be feeling brave when Dan got back online. 

While he waited for his MacBook to finish rebooting, Joe’s words echoed in his mind. Something had to give, he’d said. One of them, either Dan or Phil, had to face the other and work this out.

_ Maybe I should just go talk to Phil, _ Dan thought.  _ Rip that plaster off. Get this over with. _ He put his laptop down on the desk and stood up.

 

***

 

Somewhere in the flat, between the gaming room and Phil’s room, the two young men’s eyes met. They hadn’t spoken outside of work-related conversation in some time now.

“Hi,” Dan said.

Phil blinked, everything Dan could possibly be about to say bouncing around in his mind like pachinko balls. “H-hi…”

“I um… Can we talk?

Phil nodded.

They headed to the lounge where they could both sit on their nice comfy sofa, a place that hadn’t seen much hanging out in recent weeks. It felt almost odd to be sitting here again, especially together.

“So um…” Dan started nervously, “I really… A friend of mine told me that I was being a twat, basically, and that I should just fucking apologize to you, and uh… he’s right.”

_ Okay, so Dan apparently didn’t hear me on Discord. That’s cleared up. _ Phil’s shoulders relaxed.

“I’m really sorry, Phil.”

“It’s okay, Dan.”

Dan’s head jerked back a tiny bit and he looked at Phil with his eyes slightly narrowed. “You’re going to forgive me that easily?”

“I forgave you already,” Phil said, kindness in his eyes. “Forgiveness is something one does for themselves, not for the person who wronged them. I stopped being mad a long time ago. I just…” Phil looked down at his fingers, fidgeting with them, and shrugged. “I just thought you didn’t want me around.”

Dan smiled through tears. “Of course I want you around. It absolutely killed me to have you in the apartment, not speaking to me, not eating my cereal.”

They both smiled. Phil had heard it already, but it made him so happy to hear Dan actually overcoming his fear of talking to him and just saying it. Far from being mad at Dan, Phil couldn’t help but be proud of him.

“I um… I’m a bit shaken up by this whole thing. I had no idea we could possibly get to a point where we were barely speaking for this long. I mean, it’s been weeks, Phil.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m thinking… maybe I’m a bit too dependent on you. I don’t think it’s healthy.”

“You’re not dependent on me,” Phil protested.

“No, Phil, you have no idea what it’s been like inside my head for the past few weeks. I… I can’t stop thinking about how much you must hate me, I can’t stop worrying about how you’re doing. I’m not drinking enough water, I’m not exercising, I just stay holed up in my room playing that game all the time. I started leveling an alt and she’s already almost level 30. I am  _ not  _ taking care of myself. And now… like… I’ve met someone incredible in the game, and I… I can’t give them the attention I want to because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Phil listened intently with ever-so-slightly widened eyes. That was a lot to take in.  _ Dan, you’ve got to take better care of yourself, _ he thought. And then he thought,  _ Wait… Did Dan just confess romantic feelings… for two different people… who are both me?? No. That’s silly. I’m reading too much into this. ...Or am I? _

“So… I think… I need to distance myself from you properly, Phil. I’ve been looking at other flats. I think I need a place of my own.”

_ He’s still moving out?!? _ Phil heard his internal voice scream out. “Dan, no!” he cried aloud.

“Dan yes,” Dan interrupted.

“Come on, Dan, you know you need someone around. Who’s going to answer the door when you get takeout?”

“I am. And hopefully I’ll be getting less takeout in the first place.”

“But who’ll run your baths when you need one? Who’ll remind you to drink enough water? Who’ll spot you while you work out? What if you do a weird yoga pose and you get stuck like that or something?”

“Phil-- okay, first of all, they’re pilates,” Dan said with a roll of his eyes. “Secondly, you’re being ridiculous. Not to mention underscoring the  _ exact _ reasons why I need to move out. Look how dependent on you I am.”

“Is it really dependency if it’s all stuff I enjoy doing for you?”

Dan saw Phil’s eyes start to glisten with the beginnings of tears.

“A helicopter parent that enjoys going to school functions and holding their child’s hand well into year 6 is still a helicopter parent. The love is admirable, sure, but it’s not good for the child.”

“But you’re not a child, Dan! You know what you need, I know what you need, and… you need me.”

“Phil…” Dan shook his head and looked away from Phil.

“And I need you too,” Phil suddenly said, his voice hushed and vulnerable. Dan looked back up at him. Phil suddenly felt a bit exposed and weak, and decided to keep it casual. “I mean… let’s face it, you’re the only reason this flat isn’t a mess most of the time.”

They shared a moment of silence, Phil waiting for Dan to say something. Instead, Dan just stood up from the sofa.

“You  _ need _ me, do you?” Dan said, a dark edge to his tone.

Phil nodded.

Dan turned away. “Then I definitely need to move out,” he said.

Phil watched Dan leave the room, stunned. 

After a moment of worry, adrenaline kicked in when Phil remembered that Dan would probably be expecting Purseffanie to still be online.

“Oh sh...” he whispered to himself, hopping off the couch as quickly as he possibly could.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a short one but the next one is coming very quickly, don't worry. Like... give me a few minutes tops. :D


	8. Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and "Joe" talk one more time in-game, and Dan makes a rather peculiar confession.

Phil hurried back to his bedroom and laptop. He clumsily typed in his password where it was needed, thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t make any typos. 

He remembered he needed to turn the microphone sound down just then. He did so, silently admonishing himself for nearly forgetting about it.

Dan wasn’t back online yet, in the game or Discord.

Phil exhaled, waiting and hoping for Dan to get online. He started tapping his fingers absentmindedly again, gazing intently at the Discord window and waiting.

And the name Lyrepants shortly appeared.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Hey, you’re back!

 

“Yeah, sorry, my computer crashed.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Bad crash? Took you ages to get back online. :(

 

“Aw, did you miss me?” Dan was trying to play it cool, like it’d be ridiculous for Purseffanie to have missed him, but he was audibly smiling.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

lol you’re weird :P

 

“I’m not weird, you’re weird.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Takes one to know one!

 

“No,  _ you’re _ weird, because I could see before that you were gonna try and do voice, but now you’re not doing voice.” Dan kept his tone playful.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Oh, yeah… it didn’t work.

 

“What’s up? Maybe I can help troubleshoot.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Don’t worry about it, it was an old headset I had lying around. Probably just properly broken.

 

“Got it. Well, get yourself a new one when and if you can. Don’t feel obligated to use voice chat if you’re nervous, but... I do want to hear your voice.”

Dan sounded so calming and sweet.  _ And he called me “someone incredible.” _ Phil couldn’t get that little moment out of his head.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/23/18

Did you have a chance to talk to Phil while you were waiting for your computer to restart?

 

“Oh, uh… yeah. I apologized. But I’ve come to realize lately that I’m far too dependent on him, you know? So I’m still thinking of moving out. I think it would be good for me. So I told him that.”

Phil once again felt that unpleasant tightness in his gut. He had to respond like an objective third party, though.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

That’s not entirely unreasonable I guess, but how did he take it?

 

Dan laughed mirthlessly. “Not well!” he said. “Not that I expected him to be overjoyed, but I did think that with recent events he’d be, y’know… okay with it.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Why move out if he doesn’t want you to?

 

“He thinks he doesn’t want me to, but I think it’d be better for both of us.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

I think you’re projecting.

 

“Ooohhhh no, there is not enough room in this relationship-or-friendship-or-whatever-it-is for  _ two _ armchair psychologists.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

I don’t care lol  
it doesn’t make me wrong!  
You’re assuming Phil needs or wants something he doesn’t necessarily need or want.

 

“I’m not assuming. It’s true. I take up too much of his time and energy. And he takes up too much of mine.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

How does he take up too much of your time and energy?

 

“Well…” Dan sighed, suddenly having a hard time articulating his thoughts. He sounded nervous. “It’s like… there’s only enough room in my head… for… like… Ugh, hang on, I’m trying to explain this the right way.” He grumbled.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Take your time. <3

 

“See? That. Right there. You keep putting hearts on messages. What is that?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

What? We were talking about you and Phil, I thought.

 

“We are, but like… okay. Here’s the thing. Phil is... the most important person in the universe to me, yeah?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Yeah?

 

“So then if I were to, say, meet someone. And I mean like, romantically. How am I supposed to treat them the way they deserve to be treated if Phil is constantly in my brain butting up against this other person and pushing them out?”

Phil was about to hyperventilate and was very glad he wasn’t talking to Dan in voice chat right now.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

So…. you’re in love with Phil?

 

“Not really but… yes? Kind of? I don’t fucking know. I mean I love him, yeah, but it’s never been romantic. But it’s like, because it’s just him in my head, he’s occupying the love section AND the friend section of my brain. You know what I mean?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Sort of…?

 

“Yeah, you’re probably not a weirdo. You probably have a romantic partner  _ and _ a best friend in real life, like a normal person.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

I don’t have a romantic partner.

 

“Oh. Well that’s… really good to know, actually.” Dan was audibly smiling. Phil had a feeling he knew what was coming.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

:)

 

“The thing is, Joe… I um… I really, really like you. A lot. I don’t know if it’s romantic yet, but… you’re really special to me. And since Phil and I had our fight, you’ve been the one thing making it bearable for me to get up in the morning. You’re the best friend I’ve made in this game. Hell, you’re the best friend I’ve made since I met Phil. And if you wanted to give this a genuine shot, then I’d be so on board for that. But I don’t think I can do that if Phil is still around.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Wait… you want to move out and get away from Phil… because of me?

 

“Um… Yeah? I uh, I guess so!”

Dan sounded so happy that Phil’s stomach felt like it was sinking into the floor.  _ Dan’s decided he wants Joe instead of the real me? He’d just be disappointed if he knew it was me now. _

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Trust me, Dan, there is absolutely no point in moving out for me.

 

Dan froze a bit. He’d been reading too much into everything this whole time, hadn’t he? The hearts, the winking faces, the apparent flirtation… Maybe Joe was just sweet and affectionate and didn’t think of Dan that way at all.

Dan felt really embarrassed. And whenever he was embarrassed, he got defensive.

“Oh. Um. Not that I’m like,  _ that _ into you. I mean I would have been interested, yeah. You’re great. But I’m not hung up on you or anything. I barely know you, so that’d be ridiculous. But. Yeah. I mean it’s nothing. It’s no big deal. I’m fine. Whatever you want is fine.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Whoa, whoa, calm down a second. You think I don’t like you?  
Dan, I absolutely adore you.

 

“You… huh?”

Phil had to think fast here. He stalled a bit by making sure to give Dan a self-esteem boost before continuing.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

I think you’re incredible.   
You’re handsome, and funny, and smart, and you have great taste in music & clothes.   
You’re introspective, you care with your whole heart for the people you’re close to.  
And you’re helpful. You’ve been so patient with me.

 

Phil paused for a moment, realizing that he really did think all of these things about Dan. He really missed when they were still inseparable in real life. He was so excited by the prospect of them speaking again. He had to make this work. He had to get Dan to not move out.

“God, Joe… thank you.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Thank YOU.  
I’ve had so much fun since I signed into this silly game. So don’t think for one moment that I haven’t thought about being your boyfriend someday.   
...It’s hard not to.

 

Phil was lying a  _ tiny _ bit here. He literally hadn’t thought about it in anything other than a joking context until about five minutes ago. But he  _ had _ thought about it. Technically.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

I just think that… until we’ve talked properly, with both our voices and seeing each other’s faces… we have no idea how much chemistry we really have, right?

 

“I suppose.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

Let’s just give this some time.   
I’ll overcome my anxieties about you seeing and hearing me, and we’ll see where this goes, okay?

 

Dan was smiling ever so slightly thanks to this hope. “Okay.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/24/18

But in the meantime, don’t move out.   
You and Phil need to work on building your friendship and improving your communication.   
To me, moving out seems like a cowardly thing to do right now. No offense.  
The bridge between you has got rickety. Now’s the time to rebuild it, not burn it.

 

Dan smiled a bit more brightly. “You sound like Phil.”

_ Yeah, _ Phil thought.  _ Yeah, I do. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think this is pretty much how Dan would sound confessing a crush and then ostensibly getting rejected. Just awkwardness all around. It's a cute thought. lol


	9. Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a sleepless night, Dan gets some advice from a very wise tree and makes a decision.

Dan was utterly exhausted by the time he climbed into bed. And yet he couldn’t possibly fall asleep with how many thoughts were floating around in his mind.

He lay on his side, snuggling with a pillow and staring into space in the dark of his room.

_ Phil said he needs me, _ he thought to himself.

**_Yeah,_ ** a second internal voice chimed in.  **_And look how good you’ve been at being there for him, Mr. Forgetful._ **

_ I shouldn’t move out if he needs me. And I do need him. _

**_Exactly! How pathetic can you both be? He’s dependent on an incapable loser and you’re just plain dependent. How are you ever going to be anything other than a glorified housepet if you stay here?_ **

Dan couldn’t help the tear that escaped his eye and rolled down onto the pillow being squeezed in his arms. He sniffled and actually glared at the voice in his head that was being such a dick.

_ I’m not a fucking housepet. I’m a partner, and I’m going to be a partner. _

**_No, you’re gonna move ou--_ **

_ Fuck you, rude voice. You’re not the boss of me. _

Oddly overcome with a sense of resolve, Dan spent the next hour dreaming up ways to be there for Phil. Nice random gestures he could do to win Phil’s favor again.

It was a puzzle he was unable to completely solve that night, no thanks to a distracting inner voice he wished he could use duct tape to shut up. That said, he knew he’d at least start putting hangout nights into the calendar on his phone, that was for damn sure.

 

***

 

Not that Phil was having a much easier time sleeping. He was lying in the dark, staring upward, rubbing his feet together in a vain effort to increase his warmth and comfort levels. 

Phil sighed, annoyed at his inability to see any silly faces in the ceiling's texture tonight. Keeping his mission to understand Dan in mind, he decided to watch that video he’d apparently made. He pulled his laptop onto the bed with him, plugged in his headphones, and headed over to Dan’s channel.

He stared at the thumbnail, seeing the sadness behind Dan’s eyes that he knew was almost always there but that Dan tried so hard to hide. After a moment, he clicked on “VIDEO GAMES > REAL FRIENDS” and watched.

“Hello, Internet. I think most of us can agree that friends are important, and I’m a big proponent of the idea that the people we meet online are just as much real people and real friends as anyone we know in person. With that in mind, I take my gaming with online friends very, very seriously.”

A cutaway gag showed Dan with a sheet tied around his neck, holding a foam Minecraft sword, fighting an invisible dragon as his voiceover continued. He talked about being a defender of his friends, helping to save the day, all that sort of thing.

Generally, he kept it lighthearted of course, but he did talk about how he forgot to hang out with people in real life, and was rightfully given a “metaphorical” slap in the face helping him come to grips with reality.

“Namely, the reality that I am a complete flop of a person who can’t even remember the simplest of commitments.”

Phil shook his head sadly, feeling the literal slap on his hand again as he watched Dan’s face contort with what he knew was genuine pain.

Dan did turn the story into a teachable moment for his viewers, saying that it’s all about balance between the physical and online worlds, and that he’d try to find that balance in his own life. 

Phil was careful not to think his snarky, grumpy thoughts too clearly lest he begin to wallow in the anger he felt regarding Dan’s apparent desire to move out. He could only hope that Purseffanie had gotten through to him.

 

***

 

Dan hadn’t fallen asleep yet when the birds outside started tweeting and chattering and generally being irritatingly noisy. He knew from experience that if he wasn’t asleep by now, he wasn’t going to get any sleep at all.  _ Stupid birds. _

So he got on his laptop.

The game had a new expansion coming out soon, so there were some new high-level quests that would lead players into the expansion’s story. Since he knew Purseffanie couldn’t do this content yet (and never played this early in the morning anyway), he took this opportunity to sign in as Lyrepants and play through this questline.

The questline primarily took place at Tuatha Danaan, in the middle of the Faywood right in the center of the map. This was the bright and lively Fae capital city, and was built atop tall trees and monstrous mushrooms of every color one could imagine, translucent bridges connecting the city’s districts like a giant spider web. It was the biggest city in the game, which made sense for this universe’s oldest civilization. The area around Tuatha Danaan was dotted with small faerie villages, like the Fae starting town of Hollywell and the wood faerie village of Cherryville.

Dan enjoyed the muted color palette of Cherryville - the trees were an ashen color, with the town’s namesake fruit the only bright color to be seen. He hadn’t been here in ages, and had missed the stark but elegant look of it.

It was here, midway through the quest chain, where he needed to speak to Wiseblossom, a tree with a face. She had been an ancient, wise wood faerie once, but was changed into a tree by a magic spell, and now had to send adventurers on quests because her roots prevented her from moving. Dan always felt for Wiseblossom somewhat. Sometimes she reminded him of how fortunate he was to be able to leave law school and pursue his dream of being a full-time internet hobo. Other times he could relate to feeling stuck where he was, wishing he could follow a different life path just to see what it offered. Either way, Wiseblossom’s status as a stationary plant always resonated with him somehow.

Wiseblossom was amassing Cherryville’s best and bravest to help defend Tuatha Danaan against an incoming species of invasive fungus that would soon jump from a neighboring world onto this one, slicing through anything living that it touched. With the help of the Dragonkin from Drakhana, the city to the southwest, they could burn the fungus and save the world. But players needed to get a flaming sword from a nearby dungeon to stand a chance themselves. I mean, it wasn’t excellent writing, but they had to have a reason for Dragonkin players to do this questline.

“If I were you, I’d bring friends along,” Wiseblossom said cautiously. “Some of you will need to get your hands dirty fighting. Others will need to heal and support. But to go it alone would be quite foolish.” Wiseblossom’s voice actress had a sweet, lilting tone. Her nature as a once-tiny magical being, her kindness, and her experiential wisdom came through brilliantly. “Perhaps you believe that you are strong enough to face anything yourself, hm? Well, I thought so too, once. And I was transformed into a tree for my trouble. But you have been through much. You’re a great deal wiser than the last time we spoke. I know you’ll do the right thing. You and your friends will need each other when going through this trial. Good luck to you.”

 

***

 

Phil woke up at his usual time, near midday, to the smell of pancakes.  _ Why is Dan making pancakes? _ he thought.  _ He never makes pancakes. And I thought he was still upset with me. Oh god, is this a goodbye breakfast? _

Uneasy but still hungry, Phil felt around his bedside table for his glasses and put them on, utterly helpless without them. He stood up reluctantly, throwing on some lounge pants and a t-shirt. He reached for the doorknob, but hesitated for a moment.  _ Breathe, Phil, _ he reminded himself.  _ You have no idea about the conversation Dan had with Purseffanie. The last time you talked to Dan, he said he definitely needed to move out. Remember that. _

With a gulp, Phil opened his door, allowing the sweet smell of breakfast to overtake him and force a true smile onto his face.

“Hey, Dan,” he said, not especially optimistic in tone.

“Oh, good morning, Phil!” Dan chirped. Phil was taken aback by his tone.

“You’re in a good mood.”

“I had one of those moments, you know?”

“No,” Phil answered, genuinely confused.

“Like, a eureka moment, I guess? You’d probably say it was something like, the universe was pointing me in the right direction or whatever. But I think I was just looking for answers, and, y’know, the human brain is great at pattern recognition, right?” Dan paused to masterfully flip the pancake he was currently working on. Phil stared. It was like watching Dan click his heels together in the air like Fred Astaire might have. He was too happy, too coordinated, and too awake. Much, much too awake.

“...Right.” Phil replied.

“Okay, so, the pattern I recognized was just all over that fucking game. A conversation with one of my guildies, quest dialogue from an NPC, and then suddenly I was remembering all this stuff about like, teams and partners and needing help sometimes and, like, even now, you’re wearing glasses!”

From time to time, Dan would complain that Phil’s brain had traveled from one thing to another too quickly for him to keep up. Phil was starting to understand Dan’s frustration in those moments. 

“The hell are you on about?” he muttered, bemused.

Dan put the pancake on a plate and plopped it down in front of Phil. “It’s okay for you to need your glasses!”

“I should hope so…?”

“So, okay, your glasses are like… what brings you up to normal. Right?” Dan paused, looking to Phil for some signal of understanding. Getting no such signal, Dan simply continued. “My medication and therapy and the help I get from you, they’re just… glasses.”

Phil was starting to understand now. His mouth opened in a relaxed sort of disbelief. He didn’t dare say anything yet just in case he was wrong, but he thought maybe he knew where Dan was going with this.

“If you took off your glasses and squinted really hard for the rest of your life, you would still need glasses,” Dan said, looking Phil square in the eyes. “And if I moved out, and tried to do everything myself, I mean... I’m sure I’d grow somewhat, but eventually I’d collapse under the pressure. No one can do everything themselves, no one is completely independent, and I have a brain that’s particularly fucked me over in that respect. I am who I am, and… I think I’m at peace with the fact that I will probably always need you.”

Phil’s eyes teared up. “So... you’re not...?”

Dan shook his head with a tiny smile. He walked over to Phil and wrapped his arms around him. “I’m not going anywhere, Phil.”

Crying, Phil squeezed Dan as tightly as he could.

 

***

 

“So… you said you needed me too.”

Dan and Phil were now on the couch in the lounge, finishing eating, and enjoying how normal it felt again to be together in this room.

Phil smiled. “I kind of hoped you weren’t going to mention that. It sounds like I’m in love with you or something. So cheesy.”

Dan laughed. “Would that really be so awful, being in love with me?”

“Well, you are an awful lot of responsibility!”

“That’s fair. Sometimes I think you’re the only person on earth who could handle my bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit. It’s just… you. And you’re perfect as you are.”

“Thanks, Phil.”

After a thoughtful pause, Phil breathed in. “When I said I needed you…”

Dan raised an eyebrow curiously.

“I don’t know,” Phil tried to explain. “I don’t think that was the right phrasing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it is true that you’re the only force holding this apartment together sometimes. This place would be a mess of socks and open cabinets and contact lens pots balanced precariously on taps without you.”

Dan couldn’t help but smile.

“But it’s not just that,” Phil continued. “I mean, I have my bad days, yeah? And you know what it feels like to get like that. So on those days you’re always so patient with me.”

Dan noticed the phrase “so patient with me” and thought momentarily of Purseffanie.

“Even that aside, I still would rather have you around than not. Even if you were still as messy as you used to be years ago, I’d still want you here. Even if I had to go through my bad days alone. Even if you didn’t love the same anime and TV shows as me, even if you didn’t provide me with an endless supply of cereal to steal.”

Dan laughed again.  _ It’s like Phil always knows exactly what to say. _

“I  _ want _ to have you around, Dan. And… I think we both know it's better to be wanted than needed anyway.”

Dan pondered this for a moment. He had to agree. It did mean more to him to be wanted. It meant the world to him that Phil wanted him here for no other reason than just to have him here. Phil didn’t need Dan for anything specific. Dan didn’t have a mission to accomplish at which time he’d be thrown away like something used up. There weren’t particular qualities making Dan valuable that, were he to lose them, would render him worthless. Phil wanted Dan to stay with him, full stop.

“Yeah.”

Phil smiled and took his plate over to the dishwasher. He couldn’t see Dan smiling back at him.

Dan knew now that he was not independent. And he also knew that, in his case, maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the my last update for today - honestly I got way more chapters posted in one day than I expected to! It's almost 11 pm in my time zone right now. I'll upload the last two chapters when I wake up tomorrow. Thanks to all of you who've read & commented so far, it means the world to me!


	10. Cheats, Hacks, and Spoofing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has feelings for both Phil and "Joe" and doesn't want to be a heartbreaker, so he decides to figure out once and for all if he and "Joe" have something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOD MORNING! The penultimate chapter has now arrived - enjoy!

[Lyrepants] i feel like i’m cheating on purseffanie

[Darmok] lol 

[Darmok] This week on eastenders…

[Lyrepants] don’t be a cunt, come on

[Darmok] Language! :P

[Darmok] alright alright what’s got ur knickers bunched up

[Lyrepants] i really like purseffanie as you know

[Lyrepants] but like… i realize.... I’m kinda maybe a little bit

[Lyrepants] into my roommate.

[Darmok] WHOA. SHOCK. AMAZEMENT.

[Lyrepants] why do i sense sarcasm

[Darmok] Maybe because you’re dan and fucking phil, genius.

[Darmok] You’ve been in love with that guy for years and literally the whole world knows it.

[Lyrepants] ….fuck

[Darmok] um, yeah.

[Lyrepants] what do i do??!!??!

[Lyrepants] I don’t want to lead purseffanie on

[Lyrepants] he already said he adores me and he listed off like a hundred things he likes about me

[Lyrepants] and now phil says i’m perfect as i am which is like fucking kryptonite to someone with low self-esteem like me tbh

[Darmok] Lyre, listen.

[Darmok] First off, you ARE perfect as you are. I’m not into blokes but if I was, I mean, yeah.

[Darmok] Just being honest.

[Darmok] Second, Purseffanie is wonderful. And he has a lot to offer the right person.

[Darmok] I know you’re worried about breaking his heart the way Nozamli broke yours.

[Lyrepants] ugh did you have to bring her up

[Darmok] I wouldn’t worry - Purseffanie will not be alone forever.

[Darmok] YES I had to bring her up, you know she’s the primary reason you haven’t told Purseffanie that you can’t be his boyfriend.

[Lyrepants] yeah i know….

[Darmok] Damn right you know. Anyway. Purseffanie will be fine.

[Darmok] But, that said, third of all:

[Darmok] Whether Purseffanie is heartbroken or not isn’t your responsibility.

[Darmok] It sounds harsh, but it’s not - you have to do what’s right for you.

[Darmok] And you’re not *kind of* into Phil. You love him. Truly.

[Darmok] You gotta go for it, man.

[Darmok] And let Purseffanie down gently, ok? I mean, we can all see he really does think the world of you. I’m not gonna say that he won’t be hurting. So be tactful, k?

[Lyrepants] k.

[Darmok] Shame that corgi went to waste

[Lyrepants] god i hate you so much.

  
  


***

 

Dan spent the next week questing with Purseffanie like normal. Well, mostly like normal. That anxious squeeze in the pit of his stomach wasn’t normal. But he was doing his best to ignore that. On some logical level he knew that would go away as soon as he talked to Joe, but convincing himself to act on that information was not easy.

One night, as Purseffanie and Loroth both passed level 35, Joe said he was about to log out for the night.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I’m exhausted. Plus, I should leave you alone so you can do those new pre-expac quests.

 

“I did them already, actually. I do play when you’re offline sometimes, you know.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

When do you sleep?? Lol

 

“Rarely, to be quite honest. It’s really not healthy. My roommate -- um. Sorry, I keep forgetting you know who he is --  _ Phil _ is constantly on my case about my sleep hygiene.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I’m glad you have him to take care of you.

I worry about you sometimes, you know.

 

“I know.”

Dan felt absolutely ill. Now was the time to have this talk. If he didn’t do this now, Joe would log out for the night and he’d lose this chance yet again.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

U ok?

 

Dan sighed. “I am, but… I have to tell you something.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

???

 

“So… you obviously know that I love Honeymaw and how the whole human area looks, and obviously Lyrepants is a human character so… you might have been wondering why my house is in the Dwarf city.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

The thought briefly crossed my mind, yeah

I figured it was cuz of the guild hall?

 

“No, it’s because… remember how I said you could be married in-game? And if you were married you could share your house with another character? Well… that… was my wife’s house.”

Phil blinked. Boy, was  _ that  _ a weird thing to hear come out of Dan’s mouth.

“I was married in-game to another player. Nozamli was her character name. In real life her name was Olivia. She was so fucking cool. She lived in the Netherlands. Really cute accent. She could be a bit crude at times but she came across so confident and together, you know? And she had low-grade depression fairly similar to mine so we got on well. Fairly different taste in entertainment, but when you’re really only hanging out in-game that stuff doesn’t matter so much. So yeah, since we had a bit of a flirtation or courtship or whatever, we got married in-game and I moved into her house. So one day I was like, I wanna meet her in real life, you know? I summoned up all the courage on earth, and was just about to ask if she wanted to arrange something, and… she told the guild she was quitting the game. Said it had gotten to be too big a thing in her life and apparently behind the scenes her life was falling apart. Poor work performance, not getting enough sleep, et cetera… I learned through another guildie that she’d started using drugs to cope with her addiction to the fucking game. And I don’t mean like marijuana, everyone smokes pot in the fucking Netherlands. I mean like stimulants, apparently. I don’t know what exactly she was using, I didn’t really want to ask the other guildies for too many details, but… yeah.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

Oh my god! That poor girl :( :( :(

 

“Yeah. So after she left the game, honestly, when that ring icon wasn’t next to my name anymore, I just… cried. Like a big pathetic mess.” Dan was laughing a bit, mostly out of how pathetic he saw this behavior now. “I’d lost this person, and I went through this whole weird ‘you never really know a person’ phase because I felt so betrayed, not just by her leaving, but by her behavior too. I got over the heartbreak eventually, and I tried to check in with her to see if she was okay, but I couldn’t find any way to contact her.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I’m so sorry.

 

“Well… that brings me to the whole point of this. Like, why tell you all  _ this _ , just so you know why I have a house in a weird part of the world? Obviously there’s more to it.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

...are you ok?

 

Dan smiled. “I’m fine, Joe.” He paused and took a breath. He was so nervous. “Because of Nozamli, I know how much it hurts to have someone break your heart. Even if the relationship is just online, and even if it’s only just started and you know you shouldn’t be so attached.” Dan paused again, looking around in his mind for the track he was surely veering off of. “I mean... the people we meet online  _ are _ real people, so of course my online friends  _ are _ my real friends, but… I feel like it’s so much harder to really get to know someone properly unless you’re around them in person.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I’m confused about what you’re getting at exactly. 

Do you want to meet in person or are you breaking up with me?

 

“Well… that’s probably up to you. I really like you. And I know you like me. But we don’t know if we have any chemistry in the real world, you know? I have no idea if we’ll get along in person, or if there’ll be that, y’know, that feeling when we kiss or hold hands or our eyes meet. But… there’s someone in person, in my real life, who… they’re great, and I think I want to ask them out, but I’m very unsure about whether or not they’re interested.”

Back in his room, Phil was startled. Hearing about his in-game ex-wife was one thing, but there was someone in person that he liked now too? Why did Dan never tell him about these people?

“The point is, you get first dibs I guess. I need to know for sure whether or not you and I have anything. You’re just an incredible person, and you make me feel better about myself than anyone I’ve known for a long time. But I can’t wait anymore. I have to know if there’s something there for real.”

Phil closed his eyes and reminded himself how to breathe.  _ Fuck it, _ he thought.  _ Let’s do this. _

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

You live in London, yeah?

 

“Yeah.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

Well…    
I do too, actually.

 

Dan smiled excitedly. “That’s great! Um… are you free tomorrow? It’s Sunday, so I would imagine you’re not working.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I make my own work schedule. :)

But no, not working tomorrow.

 

“Where do you want to meet up?”

Dan waited, tapping his fingers excitedly. This was it. He was going to know tomorrow if Joe was the one, or if he should try and ask out Phil instead. His entire life was probably going to change tomorrow and he was freaking out.

Finally, Joe replied.

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

You know the big orange sculpture in front of google’s london hq?

 

Dan laughed. “Oh yes. Very well. There’s video evidence of Phil hugging it and calling it our overlord.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

There’s a ramen shop across st giles high street from there, it’s called kanada-ya.

Do you know the one I mean?

 

“Creepy dude face for the logo? Yeah, hard to forget that one. Phil and I used to go there a lot actually.”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I’ll meet you by the orange sculpture and we’ll go have dinner there. :)

Does 5:00 work?

 

Dan’s heart was absolutely pounding. “Yes! Yes, absolutely. How will we identify each other?”

 

**Purseffanie** 03/31/18

I’ll know what you look like, silly. :)

I’ll approach you, okay?

I promise you’ll know when it’s me you’re talking to.

 

Dan was slightly embarrassed, but he was too excited to care. 

  
  


***

 

The next morning, Dan was smiling like an idiot, singing to himself while eating a bowl of Shreddies.

“You’re uncharacteristically chipper for 11 AM,” Phil said, sipping his coffee and knowing perfectly well why Dan was so upbeat.

“Oh,” Dan said, chewing and swallowing quickly to answer. “Yeah, I’m uh… I’m actually going to be meeting one of my guildies tonight. Turns out he’s in London, so.”

“Yeah? That’ll be fun then.”

“I expect it will be.”

“What’s their character name?”

“Hm? Oh, uh. Purseffanie. But like, spelled p-u-r-s-e-f-f-a-n-i-e.” It took Dan time to spell it out but he'd clearly memorized it. Phil was somewhat impressed.

“That’s a bit tryhard,” Phil said. He was partly being facetious to deflect suspicion that he was Purseffanie, but he was also partly testing to see how swiftly Dan would come to “Joe”’s defense.

“What’s tryhard about it? I think it’s quite clever actually.”

Phil smiled.  _ Thank you, _ he thought. “Well, regardless. Do you play with them often?”

“All the time. Honestly, it’s pretty rare for me to play without him these days.”

“You two are pretty close, then?”

“Yeah. Closest thing I’ve had to a best friend since you, actually.”

“I’m glad you’ll finally get to meet him in person then,” Phil said, his voice bittersweet. One way or another, things were going to change today, and he knew it.

“You sound upset,” Dan said, legitimately concerned about Phil being bothered by this. “He’s not gonna replace you, you know. There’s no replacement for you.”

Phil, struck by Dan’s sincerity, decided to be bold. He desperately needed some idea of whether Dan only liked Phil’s in-game persona, or if real-world Phil had a fighting chance here. He ran the risk of Dan not being honest if asked, but he had to try. “Dan… can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Dan put his bowl down on the coffee table, sensing a serious discussion.

“If… if I’d played the game with you way back when you first asked if I was interested…”

“Phil, I’m not kidding when I say he won’t replace you.”

“I know, but just… I need to know. If I’d understood how much the game meant to you, and if I’d played with you and raided with you and we didn’t have to schedule hanging out… If the game was something you and I did together like watching anime... do you think me and you would be closer?”

“Closer?” Dan had no idea what Phil was talking about. How could he and Phil possibly be closer than best friends?

“Yeah, you know. More.”

Dan’s face brightened for a moment when he realized that Phil meant  _ more than friends. _ And then his face darkened again when he remembered Joe.

“Phil, I… I’m not really… in a very good position to answer that question.”

Phil noticed the changes in Dan’s face, and he knew. He knew he was in good standing. He breathed in, trying to keep his face straight and his voice quiet. “So tonight with Purseffanie, this is a date then?” Luckily for him, Dan interpreted his tension as being caused by this apparent confession of romantic interest, and not by the difficulty he was having keeping himself from laughing.

“Well... we are having dinner… to gauge romantic interest, so. Yes.”

Phil gave a tight smile and nodded. Again, he was trying not to laugh, but it looked as though he was trying not to cry. 

Dan leaned in and gave him a hug. Phil could feel his breath across his ear. “Tonight was about giving him a fair chance,” Dan said. “But… if nothing happens between me and him, then… I was planning on asking you out.”

Phil’s face relaxed and he gasped ever so slightly. Dan had been talking about  _ him _ last night. Now he really felt like he was going to cry.

When Dan pulled away from the hug, he wiped a sneaky tear off Phil’s cheek.

“Don’t do that,” Dan said with a sad smile. “You’re gonna make me regret going on this date.”

“I promise you,” Phil said, smiling through sparse tears. “Skipping this date would be a mistake.”

“Are you okay?”

Phil smiled and wiped his eyes. “Go on the date!” He gave Dan a playful shove. “I want you to be happy.”

 

*** 

 

Phil was dressed far nicer than a run to the shops required, but luckily Dan had bought it when Phil said that’s where he was going. Dan was still in pajamas when Phil left. And now Phil was standing around inside the convenience store next to the ramen shop.

Standing next to a display of wine bottles, he checked his phone for the 40th time. Finally, it was 4:50.

Phil marched across St. Giles High Street to hide behind the gaudy orange blob in the middle of the Central St. Giles Piazza, under the watchful eyes of Google and NBC Universal, and waited. He expected Dan to be late as usual, and he was not wrong. What Phil didn’t expect was how slowly the minutes would pass from 5:01 to 5:08, when Dan finally appeared, rounding the corner into the piazza. Phil gasped and kept himself hidden behind the sculpture as Dan, looking around for someone he didn’t even know how to identify, gradually got closer. Phil turned so he wasn’t facing Dan anymore, dusted off his clothes and unsuccessfully tugged a stray wrinkle out of one sleeve. He lifted his head and collected himself as best he could, half-convinced that this was going to go terribly wrong. He turned around to walk to the front of the sculpture only to be met by a pair of surprised brown eyes.

“Phil? What are you doing here?”

_ I guess I have no choice but to be ready now, _ Phil thought.

Feeling an unexpected wave of calm washing over him, Phil exhaled, “Hello Loroth.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Dan didn't like, fall unconscious off-screen and not hear that or anything. Stay tuned for the aftermath!!!


	11. Endgame Content

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Dan knows who Phil is, what happens next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it - the last chapter! Thanks to everyone who's commented and given kudos... this felt like my "major debut" so to speak, so I'm glad the story's been well-received. I was so nervous!
> 
> Enjoy the last chapter, and thank you all again so so so very much!

Dan mentally did the necessary arithmetic.  _ Phil is calling me by the name “Loroth.” This is not a name Phil should know I have. And Phil is here, where Joe is supposed to be. The logical conclusion, as illogical as it is, is that Phil is Joe. And Joe is Phil. ...Does not compute. _

His face relaxed into something unreadable. 

“Oh, and um… my best friend once told me I looked like I could be called Joe, but my real name’s Phil.” Phil extended his hand, smiling warmly. “Nice to meet you.”

_ Phil is Joe. Joe is Phil. Phil is Purseffanie. _

Dan looked Phil in the eye, his mouth agape, and slowly shook Phil’s hand, not knowing what else to do. “Are you actually fucking kiddin-- seriously?!”

Phil nodded, his face giving away his apprehension.

Dan laughed -- less happily and more deliriously -- as he began to accept the truth of what was going on. He let go and backed away slightly, his face bright but disbelieving. Phil watched as Dan wandered in a small erratic circle, his eyes darting between Phil and the ground and his own hands. “So… y-- It w--...”

Phil watched and waited nervously, his eyebrows raised, as Dan paced around struggling for words. Dan’s mind was busy piecing together the events of the last month. He remembered showing  _ Purseffanie _ the guild hall, wanting nothing more than to give  _ Purseffanie _ that corgi, baring his heart & soul to  _ Purseffanie _ in the woods near Honeymaw. And suddenly all these memories were reframed as things he’d done with  _ Phil _ . It was Phil who’d been so kind to him, who was such a gracious pupil, who he’d been so patient with, who’d kept him grounded in a time of panic, and who’d reminded him of… well, Phil.

And poor Phil badly wanted to laugh or smile right now, but held back because he still wasn’t entirely sure Dan’s feeling of surprise was of the pleasant variety.

“This isn’t an April Fool’s prank?” Dan asked pointedly.

“Nope.” Phil then realized it was indeed April 1st. He smirked. “The date is just a really funny coincidence.”

Dan walked up to Phil and looked him in the eye. “It was really you the whole time?”

“Yeah,” Phil replied giggling. “I mean, I didn’t realize it was you until I heard you talking on Discord, but… yeah.  _ You _ saved  _ me _ from that elite hamster.”

Dan rolled his eyes at himself. “Ugh, right after I fucking neglected you.”

“Yeah, but the universe brought us back together, I guess.”

“Don’t you start with that,” Dan said, smiling.

They looked at each other for a moment, suddenly realizing that they didn’t know if their relationship was that of Dan and Phil - best friends who’d had a fight and then worked past it - or Loroth/Lyrepants and Purseffanie - two gamers who’d found each other and possibly fallen in love.

“So, um--”

“Yeah--”

“No, you go first,” Phil conceded.

“Okay, so… the whole point of meeting here was… to see if… if we have something. Right?”

Phil’s throat tightened up. “Right.”

Dan’s eyes narrowed curiously. “So… if you’d known it was me for ages, then…you...  _ you _ wanted to see if...?”

Phil didn’t know exactly what to say so he just nodded. “Kind of, yeah,” he finally said with a nervous giggle.

Dan couldn’t handle how cute it was. “You did the tongue thing,” he said, pointing at Phil’s mouth with an amused grin.

“I did not. When?”

“Just now!”

Phil smiled.

“So you… you wanna give this a go then?” Dan asked.

“Like… me and you?”

“Yeah. I mean… if you wanted to, I know I’d be all for it.”

“You um… you would? Even though it’s me?”

“Yeah…” Dan said, his voice quiet and reassuring. “There’s no ‘even though’ about it. The fact that it’s you… honestly it’s like a dream come true and god that sounds cheesy I know but… I’ve always liked you, you know.”

They blushed, alternating between looking into each other’s eyes and bashfully looking down repeatedly. Upon casting their eyes downward, they realized that their fingers had become entwined somehow. Neither of them recalled it happening; it was apparently the most natural thing on earth to be holding each other’s hands.

“Really?” Phil said with a chuckle, genuinely surprised but trying not to let it show too much.

“Yeah. I mean, I guess sometime over the last few years, I got used to you being around and like... forgot how great you really were,” Dan said. “Sometimes it helps to look at something with fresh eyes, right?”

"Maybe," Phil said.

Dan stared at Phil’s twinkling blue eyes until it started to feel kind of weird. He looked down again, running his thumb across Phil’s knuckles. As shy as he felt in this moment, he didn’t want to let go of Phil’s hands. “Are you hungry?” he said suddenly, at his normal conversational volume which startled Phil slightly. “Because holy shit I think the surprise of this whole situation burned every spare calorie in my body.”

“Yes!” Phil said happily. “Ramen sounds great right now.”

They walked across the street, their faces beaming, eager for the warm cozy feeling of eating noodles together.

 

***

 

By the time they were sat down, the shock-induced romantic adrenaline of their unusual meet-cute had worn off and they felt extraordinarily awkward about the whole situation. Were they now meant to evaluate one another as potential romantic partners?  _ How does he feel about me? _ they each thought, which was quickly followed-up with  _ Wait, how exactly do I feel about him?! _

So when they got their food, they were just silently looking around the restaurant.

“So… yeah.” Dan would say.

“Yep,” Phil would reply.

“I forgot how much I liked this place,” Dan said at one point before scooping up a bundle of noodles, lowering his head, and slurping greedily. Phil stared, imagining Dan doing something else entirely, and he blushed.

“What?” Dan said with a mouth still half full.

Phil shook his head and covered his grinning mouth. “Nothing!” he laughed.

“Okay then,” Dan said with a smirk, his eyes narrowed. He knew exactly what Phil was thinking.

At another point, during a discussion about supplies they needed for the gaming-room-slash-home-office, Phil said something about a ream of paper and Dan choked at the word “ream.” Dan got him back later in the same conversation by using the word “dongle.”

Later, they reminisced about a dungeon they’d run in the game once.

“That was absolutely the most harrowing thing I had ever done in that fucking game,” Dan laughed. “I mean you were down to what, like two percent of your health??”

“So were you!” Phil said, smiling at the memory. “But you just kept healing me, you very nearly sacrificed yourself to keep me alive.”

“Well I had to keep you alive, you were the one actually attacking!” Dan laughed. “Can’t really kill a boss without damage, can you?”

“Yeah but I can’t stay healed if the healer is dead!” Phil chuckled.

“Shame the loot wasn’t really worth it,” Dan shook his head.

“Loot isn’t the only important thing you know,” Phil said. “I consider the experience quite valuable!”

“Easy for you to say!” Dan exclaimed, still smiling. “You at least got a freaking fire protection cloak! And what did I get, like five gold?”

“Six.”

“Whatever,” Dan said, shaking his head, gazing at Phil fondly. He was amazed at this whole situation. The fact that Phil had been Purseffanie this entire time was finally beginning to sink in and truly become real to Dan. The more they reminisced, the more warm Dan felt. The more Phil and “Joe” were conflated in his head, the more attracted to Phil he became.

 

***

 

They chatted like normal on their way home, as though there was nothing unusual at all, until they got to the front door of their flat. Dan dug his key out of his pocket and was just about to unlock the door, but stopped.

“Dan?” Phil asked. “You okay?”

Dan lowered his hand and faced Phil. “I just realized I have no idea what the etiquette is here.”

“Etiquette?”

“Yeah. Like… fuck it, I’m just gonna say it. That was a date, right?”

Phil frowned thoughtfully. “I thought we’d already agreed it was?”

Dan sighed with relief. “Oh thank god. Okay. At least we’re on the same page.” He paused. “So, next question… what happens now?”

“Um… we go home?”

“Yes I know but like, when you go on a date, one of you usually drops off the other at their home and maybe there’s a goodnight kiss, but like… we live in the same home, and…”

“...And?” Phil smiled, spurring Dan on.

“And… I don’t know if there should be a k--”

Phil interrupted Dan by swinging his arms around him and kissing him hard on the lips, smiling the whole time. Dan laughed into it, and Phil pulled away, still grinning at his own ridiculousness.

“I say yes,” Phil said. “Yes, there should be a kiss.”

Dan was absolutely glowing, smiling brighter than he had in ages. Which was exactly what Phil was going for.

“So… have we determined that… we have something, then?” Dan asked after a quiet happy moment in Phil’s arms.

“Yeah, I think we do.”

“Okay,” Dan said, leaning in close. “I’m going to do this properly then.”

Phil breathed in as Dan’s lips touched his softly. Dan’s hand was soon on Phil’s cheek, and Phil took that as his cue to let the kiss deepen. Their breathing synced up, and soon the kiss felt eternal and neverending, like a nonverbal promise they were suddenly both making.

As the kiss continued, their bodies began to feel warm and tense and hands began moving. This was getting interesting and they both knew it. Dan broke away from the kiss first.

“Inside?” he said breathlessly.

Phil nodded. “Inside,” he agreed, and Dan never unlocked a door so quickly in his entire life.

 

***

 

[Lyrepants] DARMOK YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

[Darmok] what?

[Lyrepants] purseffanie? PHIL. PUR WAS PHIL THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME

[Darmok] ROFLMAO XD

[Darmok] No fucking way

[Lyrepants] YES

[Lyrepants] you can’t make this shit up

[Darmok] You may actually be the luckiest person on earth, you know that right?

[Lyrepants] look

[Lyrepants] i’m not gonna lie

[Lyrepants] it is kind of embarrassing that i didn’t realize it was phil tbh

[Lyrepants] but honestly…

[Lyrepants] it’s not every day you fall head over heels for two people and they turn out to be the same person

[Lyrepants] so yeah.

[Darmok] Fuck I need a girlfriend, this is so sweet I’m gonna need a fucking root canal

[Lyrepants] lol

[Darmok] How did you react when you found out??

[Lyrepants] oh god

[Lyrepants] honestly i thought it was an april fool’s joke at first

[Lyrepants] i mean me & phil prank each other all the time

[Lyrepants] but like phil wouldn’t do something as mean as fucking with my love life, you know?

[Lyrepants] so i realized he hadn’t like, hacked into my conversations or anything, it was actually him

[Lyrepants] and then we had all these fucking memberberry conversations about stuff we’d done together in game

[Lyrepants] so like as we were eating dinner i just got happier and happier

[Darmok] I’m gonna fucking cry lol

[Darmok] So did you bang after?

[Lyrepants] mate. seriously?

[Darmok] Can you blame a guy for being curious?

[Lyrepants] maybe not but it’s none of your fucking business lol

[Darmok] You diiiiiiiid… ;)

[Lyrepants] shut it, seriously lol

[Darmok] Was it good?

[Lyrepants] ……yyyeeeeaaahhh

[Darmok] HAHAHA YES GET IT

[Lyrepants] i’m going to murder you in your sleep lol

 

***

 

Phil - as Purseffanie - kept playing the game until he and Loroth were both max level. At that point, though, Dan more or less went back to playing Lyrepants full-time so he could fully enjoy the new expansion.

Lyrepants also got rid of her in-game house. Dan was finally able to move past his heartbreak, and no longer felt the need to hang on to his regrets about Nozamli. He wanted to make a fresh start in the human city of Summerfall, closer to the forest that was full of positive memories he’d made with Purseffanie and far from the Dwarf city and all that baggage.

One day, Dan asked Phil if he wanted to make that in-game fresh start a bit more official. Phil agreed readily, and they set up a time right before raiding when most of the guild would be available to join them.

“You ready?” Dan’s voice said over Discord.

“Yeah,” Phil answered, then exhaled shakily. “Why am I so nervous? It’s just a game.”

“To be fair, we take this shit seriously around here,” Darmok’s voice joined them.

“And you guys can’t see it,” Dan added, “but like… we’re both dressed for the occasion.”

“I am too!” Myth replied excitedly.

“I’m in my PJ’s but I am pigging out on junk food,” said Neena.

The guild chatted and laughed together until every character was finally gathered in the Honeymaw chapel. Some guild members were even multi-boxing just so they could bring their alts in for the occasion.

Lyrepants and Purseffanie stood, both wearing fancy white-and-gold transmog, facing each other in front of a priest NPC.

“Alright,” Dan said, “I’m clicking.” He right-clicked on the priest to engage him and start the wedding interaction. The priest read out one of about a dozen randomly-chosen “dearly beloved” speeches, and Phil had to bite down on the inside of his lips to keep from squealing. This was all much too cute for him.

Meanwhile, in real life, Dan and Phil were dressed in suits, sitting on the floor on either side of the coffee table in the lounge, facing each other. Each of them would occasionally glance up and catch the other sneaking a look at them. There was a lot of blushing, a lot of giggles, and a lot of the guild members hearing those giggles and giggling themselves.

A confirmation dialog came up on Phil’s screen, and he clicked “yes.”

A similar dialog appeared for Dan, and he clicked “yes” as well.

In the lounge Dan and Phil reached for each other’s hands across the table.

The NPC voice-over declared that Lyrepants and Purseffanie were now officially married. Wedding ring shaped icons appeared next to their names, floating above their heads like sideways halos. Over Discord, the guild erupted into applause, cheers, the inevitable jokes about consummation (mostly coming from Myth).

Dan mouthed the words ‘I love you’ to Phil so the guild couldn’t hear. ‘I love you too,’ Phil mouthed in return.

“So what’s next for you lot?” Artydent asked.

“Well, Phil, I was hoping you’d do me the honor of moving in with me!” This got Dan a few chuckles.

“Are you kidding? Definitely!” Phil said excitedly. “I have so many trophies and crap filling up my bank space, I could use a wall or two.”

“Alright. Let’s you and me head over to the city. Well guys,” Dan said to the guild, “Thank you so so much for coming to this, I really appreciate it. This wasn’t easy for me to decide to do, and it means the world that you’d be here to witness it.”

“I’m so happy for you it’s ridiculous,” Neena said.

“Yeah, mate,” Darmok added. “Real proud of you.”

Myth just sniffled.

“We’re gonna go do the house thing,” Dan said with a smile. “Talk to you all later tonight.”

“Don’t be late!” Trillian said.

“Use protection!” Myth cried, making Dan and Phil laugh.

“Seeya in the raid,” Neena said. “Later guys!”

Dan and Phil closed out of Discord.

“Alright… I’m gonna have Lyre follow you, Phil, because I need to get up and cut some fucking cake like right now.” Dan clicked on Purseffanie, typed “/follow”, hit enter, slipped off his headset, stood up, and headed toward the kitchen.

“Cut me some too!” Phil called.

“No, I’m just going to abandon you and leave you cakeless,” Dan replied sarcastically. “You’re my in-game wife now, I’m not gonna neglect you!”

“Anymore.”

“Oi, you cut that out.”

Dan went over to the kitchen and opened the cake box on the counter. Along with the decision to wear suits, they’d also gotten a simple round white cake with “The Shippers Would Love This” written on it. Dan smiled at it, the words’ joking nature a compromise he’d pushed for since it was on Phil’s insistence they treat their in-game marriage like a real thing.  _ What a sap, _ Dan thought fondly as he sliced into the cake, putting it on two paper plates that said “happy birthday” on them because Phil had forgotten to get plates that were more occasion-appropriate and that was all they had on hand. That said, the color scheme was white and gold, like their in-game wedding dresses, so at least it matched somewhat.

He brought the cake back into the lounge and sat a piece in front of Phil, then sat in front of his own laptop, where he could see that they’d arrived in the housing area of Summerfall. Dan took back control of his character and opened the door to their new house.

“I wish you could pick me up and carry me in,” Phil said. “Like a real bride!”

Dan’s house still had a ton of mismatched items that he held onto just because he thought they were cool, but much of what had been Nozamli’s he’d either sold to other players or destroyed outright. Letting Phil move in wasn’t making him anxious at all. Between the change in items and the new architecture, this house felt more like home to him. And with Phil’s trophies already being placed haphazardly on one of the walls, it was beginning to feel even moreso.

“I like this,” Dan said. “I like that this is both of ours now.”

“Me too,” Phil paused to reply.

“I love you.”

Phil smiled and blushed. “I am never gonna get over that!” He smiled. “Love you too, though. For real.”

The warmth in their in-game house was like a cozy blanket neither of them wanted to emerge from. Luckily, the warmth in their lounge in the real world felt exactly the same.

 

***

 

How do you end stories that aren’t fairytales?

 

Then again, this story has hamster monsters, healing magic, and adventuring. It  _ is _ a fairy tale. So let’s just go with it.

 

...And they lived happily ever after.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share the story if you liked it! If you want to say hi on tumblr, please do. Continue commenting if you have mroe thoughts, I always love seeing stuff in my inbox here :)

**Author's Note:**

> @americanphancakes on tumblr
> 
> [Here's the tumblr post for this fic.](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/172903229263/deliriumzer0-title-so-we-meet-again)


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